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Dec 9, 2006

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My parents are insane, and spent $100,000 on my recent wedding and honeymoon. Yes, I know how crazy that is. That was not something I wanted, but my mother had a tiny tiny cheap wedding (where her dad fell off the wagon), so she was reliving things through me. My husband and I thought about eloping to avoid the expense and stress, but both of our parents begged us not to. In the end, it's my parents money, so if they wanted to go crazy, I couldn't really stop them, although I tried for a while. I also have a very very huge family. The wedding actually turned out great, but I used to do semi-pro wedding photography and can say that inexpensive weddings turn out great too.

The most expensive thing was catering. Oy was that pricey. My dad used to be a chef, so everything had to be top of the line, and we had 230+ guests. We did save money by having the wedding cake done by the caterer. Flowers came second, but it was worth it(since it wasn't my $$$). We saved money with the flowers by skipping roses and out of season flowers. We also saved money by having the ceremony and the reception at the same location. My dress was handmade by a family friend, and while it was supposed to cost $5,000, she only charged us for materials. Photo and video were $5,000, but totally worth it. Being a photographer, I knew I wanted the best. It was totally worthit. The band was another $5,000, but my husband and I fought that hard - we wanted a DJ to save money. My parents wouldn't hear of it. We did skip having an engagement party to save money, and I don't regret that decision. We bought my bridesmaids dresses for them, because although they were averagely priced, my bridesmaids were either related to me or were broke grad students. I personally spent some of my own money to have a groom's cake made by Duff Goldman, who has a tv show on Food Network. I was surprised to find how reasonable his prices were. The cake was Super Mario themed - I haven't played a video game in at least a decade, but my husband is in the video game industry. It turned out great. Even the old people at the wedding recognized Mario!

I feel really strongly about engagement and wedding rings. You do not have to spend huge amounts of money to get something nice. My engagement ring was my great-grandmother's wedding band. It is not a diamond solitaire. I like how understated it is (.25ct of diamonds and emeralds total). My wedding band was from my other great-grandmother, so it was also free. It also has far less than 1ct of stones. It is also understated. I am really thrilled that both rings are not a product of the continuing conflict in Africa. While conflict diamonds are banned in most Western countries, I'm very paranoid about some finding their way in to the market for clean stones. If i didn't have rings already in the family, I would have sent my husband to estate sales.

After the wedding, I spent $250 to have my bouquet preserved, and it was worth every penny. It's freeze dried and framed on my dining room wall.

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Dec 9, 2006

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Bastard Tetris posted:

Weddings get vastly less expensive when you have friends in the right places. It seems like they did a better job, too.

This is absolutely true. I think that if my Dad was still a professional chef and had all his contacts, my catering would cost a lot less.

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Dec 9, 2006

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j4on posted:

One easy corner to cut is the invites. Electronic invites are free, and people actually RSVP. Another is the food: a buffet saves a lot of money, as does more beer and less wine.

Another way to save on invites but still have them is do them yourselves. Target makes really nice (but inexpensive) pre made invites that you just print on with your printer at home. They even come with ribbons/glitter/other fancy stuff. My bridesmaid did that for her wedding, and it looked really nice.

Buffet style food at a wedding saves money on not paying for servers, but you have to pay for extra food because people take more/go for seconds.

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Like I said, the $100,000 was not what I planned on spending. But my mother is a human steamroller, and parents certainly had the money to spare and then some. If I could have just taken the $100,000 and eloped I would have, but after fighting my mother month after month, it just became easier and less stressful to go along with what she wanted (to spend money). So I had a dream wedding that I enjoyed and enjoyed planning, instead of a modest wedding and $100,000 in therapy bills. Frankly, I'm just happy she let me pick things I wanted and didn't do much of "it's my money, I say which dress/photographer/catering company/event location" etc. Also frightening is that my parents spent almost as much on my sister's wedding 3 years ago.

At least the $100,000 isn't a waste - it all went directly into the pockets of wedding vendors, flower suppliers, caterers, etc.

My parents weren't always wealthy. My parents have spent at least 100K putting my young twin brothers through exclusive private schools and paying for fancy vacations and such, but had no money for the kinds of things my brothers get when my sister and I were growing up. I think that crazy weddings and down payments on houses are my parents way of making sure that my sister and I get the same monetary advantages my brothers now have.

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Dec 9, 2006

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My husband got custom poker sets for the groomsmen. They had our names on one side and the wedding date on the other. The guys really seemed to like them.

I got the girls necklaces and earrings to go with their dresses. The necklaces actually had (teeny tiny) diamonds in them - I got them on sale at a local department store. They were very affordable, as bridesmaids gifts were paid for by me, not my rich parents. Jewelry can be worn over and over, which is better than something that's just gonna sit in a closet gathering dust.

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Dec 9, 2006

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topenga posted:

Old post, don't care. How can you say this and not post pictures??!?

Because i don't know how to post pictures. I'll get my husband to do it at some point this week. You can also search for Super Mario Cake on Flickr, because that's where my husband found the inspiration and the model that Charm City Cakes worked from.

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Dec 9, 2006

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IanCaw posted:

I hate to post with another "What are your experiences?" type question, but, I'm not sure a better way to word this:

How many of you asked your SO's father (or had your father asked, in the other direction) for "permission" to get engaged? My s.o.'s family is incredibly close-knit (mine is reasonably close, but nowhere near the same level) and it really seems like while I could get away with not asking the parents' permission, it would be much smarter in the long term if I do ask.

Is it worth asking permission in today's world if it seems like the right thing to do?

It depends entirely on your girlfriend. My brother-in-law took my father to lunch to ask for my sister's hand. He said yes, and my sister was delighted at the gesture (as was the whole family). My husband thought about doing the same thing - until I happened to mention that asking my dad for permission before bothering to ask me would make me feel like someone's property.

I would try to feel your girlfriend out a bit on this issue before deciding.

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Dec 9, 2006

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Most married men that I know wear wedding rings, but with one exception (my brother-in-law), they all wear simple bands. A basic 14K men's band can cost as little as $100.

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Dec 9, 2006

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jcschick posted:

Is it tacky to just have the wedding party and the parents at the rehearsal dinner? My fiance's parents don't have a lot of money and I was just thinking we could do a quick dinner at a cheap restaurant and since there will be only 3-4 people in the wedding party, 2 sets of parents and the clergy/his wife, it would be better than having all 80 guests, etc.

That's all I had at mine, really. Wedding party, immediate family, and 4 out-of-town guests who happened to be staying at the hotel where the rehearsal dinner was held. We didn't even have the rehearsal dinner and the rehearsal on the same night, due to schedule complications. And consider that I had that crazy big wedding. It was really nice to just celebrate with my immediate family and close friends before the monster reception.

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I agree. And I feel your pain. Between 1/3 and 1/2 of my 235 guests were my family. I had a ridiculously expensive wedding, and the only person who's hotel room we paid for was my matron of honor - because she is my sister.

Also, family-only weddings are becoming increasingly common due to price limitations. As a low-budget wedding photographer, I worked on at least 3 family-only weddings. And I have had several friends elope just to avoid inviting tons of people.

As for ceremony vs reception invites, the best compromise I have seen is inviting everybody to the ceremony, then having cake and cocktails for everybody immediately following, and having the full party for a select few later that night/another day.

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Dec 9, 2006

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Pegacorn posted:

No, you can't do that! That is horribly rude and shows no class. So you have an A list and a B list of friends? How would people feel knowing they were on the B list?

Although it is pretty common, I did not do that. I had 235 people at my wedding. But my wedding budget was insanely high.

And speaking as someone who has been on the B list several times (my friends are broke), I don't think it was too big a deal. I always understood that my friends were in a financial bind. But I can see other people getting upset.

As for tuxes, unless you guys are wearing tuxes in a bizarre color (powder blue, etc.), you don't really need to worry about matching - a black or grey tux goes with anything.

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Dec 9, 2006

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Pegacorn posted:

It is completely rude and poor etiquette. The "B-list" is also known as "The gift grab", people invited only to receive presents from. If you can't afford to have a big expensive party for everyone and you want everyone to come share your day, you should just have a more modest party that everyone can attend. What's wrong with that?

It doesn't have anything to do with anyone's expectations of other people's weddings, it has to do with the way you ought to treat people, even on your wedding day.

I have to be honest - according to my wedding planner, who is a recognized expert in the field and a consultant for a major wedding website, the A list/B list thing is still very common. She asked us if we wanted to do that, as many of her clients do, but we declined.

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ElanoreMcMantis posted:

I never in my life heard of an A/B list. I would be really, really offended just because its like "You can come, if so-and-so doesn't". I'd rather just not be invited at all.

Everyone I know would be totally horrified if we did that. I come from small-townland though so, its to be expected. We don't expect everyone to fly to Vegas, but we're inviting everyone. Our reception is already driving me bonkers though. Where the hell do I put 300 people and what the hell do I feed them? So far the plan is to do a very low-key BBQ style dinner with some music and lots of beer.

In my experience, generally speaking, if you have enough alcohol, everybody will be happy.

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Dec 9, 2006

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teamgod posted:

Thanks guys; another question though:

Does this sound like a decent idea? We have the actual wedding at a cheap hall, then head out to some lodge outside of town for a big 'ol barbeque. Basically everyone who's invited to the wedding comes to the dinner, and it'll be an outside thing at a lake or something. Steaks, chicken, burgers, corn, salads, etc for supper, and then some non-fancy cake/ice cream for dessert. Does it sound trashy or completely acceptable? All the weddings I've been to has been in a hall and either A. catered to kingdom come, or B. fed by family members bringing in their own food.

I figure if we go the BBQ way, we save tons of money buying the food ourselves, enjoy cooking it with family members, and you don't have to dress formal either. Plus it's outside so nobody will be bored.

Oh, another question: when do the pictures of myself and the bride get taken? Do we do all the pics AFTER the wedding at a specified location, while all the guests either sit around and wait or show up at the shoot? I guess they'll have to show up there with us to be included in group shots right?

That wedding plan sounds great. I used to be a wedding photographer, and there are several ways you can do the picture. Typically, the photographer is present at both the ceremony and reception and does photography at each.

1. All of the posed shots of the bride and groom, family and wedding party are done before the ceremony somewhere nice on the grounds of the ceremony location. This is how I did it.

2. For bride and groom who don't want to see each other prior to the ceremony (required in my religion but often considered bad luck by some Christian sects) you do all of the posed shots prior to the ceremony jami gertz naked pics except the ones with both the bride and groom. Those you do after the ceremony.

3. Do all of the posed shots at the reception, though after the ceremony people really just want to celebrate.

4. Do no posed shots, just candid.

I have a list of shots not to be missed that I can PM you if you like.

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Dec 9, 2006

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The best wedding planners will ultimately do what you ask them, no matter how impolite they think it is. My wedding planner says she does A/B weddings a lot. She didn't recommend that we do that (and we didn't), but it was an option.

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Dec 9, 2006

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aneurysm posted:

Anyway... a couple friends of mine are getting married. My fiancee is a bridesmaid. On the entire guest list, the only people I will know are the bride, groom, and my fiancee. Where the hell do I hang out during this thing? I'll certainly try to mingle a bit, but I'm not sure how many people will be in our age range that aren't in the wedding. For how much time is my fiancee likely to be occupied?

Typically most involvement ends with the ceremony. As far as receptions go, traditionally the wedding party is "announced", so some time towards the end of the cocktail party your fiancee will disappear, everyone will sit down for the reception, the wedding party will be announced by the DJ and will walk into the reception, and then done. If she is the maid of honor, she may give a toast. But that's usually it (other than the flower toss, but she's already taken and should skip that )

These days, many couples are opting for "sweetheart tables" instead of "head tables". It used to be that the entire wedding party sat together at a head table, and the wedding party's spouses/fiancees/dates were seated elsewhere, but now these days the wedding couple is seated by themselves at a "sweetheart" table and the wedding party is seated with their guests, so you won't be all by yourself!

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Dec 9, 2006

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jcschick posted:

Sorry to bump but need help. With regards to announcements/invitations: Is it tacky to send out announcements to people who aren't invited to the wedding? We want to keep it small - like 80 people but there a lot of people (friends of my parents, etc) that would like to know that I got married, etc. My sister says it's fine; my mother says it's just asking for gifts.

Also, anyone who's already gotten married: I want some personal touches at my reception including large vases with Christmas ornaments (with our names and dates) as centerpieces. Is this something the caterer or florist can do? I also want stuff like mistletoe above the entrance to reception and candycanes in the napkin holders on the table. My mom seems to think that this stuff can't be done and that I have to just take what the caterer and florist offer.

Announcements of the engagement can go to anybody. If you put the date of the wedding, it becomes a save the date card, and those only go to wedding guests.

Florists can do things that aren't necessarily flowers. While flowers are obviusly their specialty, any good florist can do what you are asking. Some caterers can as well, for extra $$, although I bet they'd do candycanes in the napkins for free, as they place favors on the tables all of the time.

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Dec 9, 2006

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jcschick posted:

I think what my sister meant was a wedding announcement, not an engagement announcement (ex: We got married on December 5 blah blah blah)

I wouldn't do it ("Hey - we got married but didn't invite you!") but I'm no expert. Also, we had wedding announcements in the newspaper and the Jewish Times, because it was more traditional around here and also less expensive.

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Dec 9, 2006

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IdeoPhanthus posted:

Is it going to be too much to handle making the bouquets (bridesmaids because they're simple/quick) the day before the wedding, and then getting up early the day of to set up for the reception?

That sounds like more stress than you need the day before. If you pick a long lasting flower, you might be able to do it several days in advance.


Edit: Also, what do you do after the "I do" & kiss if you're not doing a reciecving line (and the reception is elsewhere)? Most of the time I see that the bridesmaids/groomsmen walk out paired, but usually it's to a spot where the guests can hug/kiss them as they leave (and after that the wedding party does the formal pictures). I hate recieving lines, so where does the wedding party go when exiting down the aisle if we're skipping doing a recieving line? Do we just all exit down the aisle & walk straght to the spot where we'll be taking the formal pics?

At my wedding, the wedding party went to a cocktail reception and my husband and I went to a private room where we could just hold hands and giggle. Trust me when I say that taking 10 minutes or so just to be alone is a wonderful thing. Some couples get this alone time in the limo on the way to the reception. You can go to the reception site and do photos, and then everyone is announced into the reception by the DJ. Receiving lines are becoming less common. I never once photographed a wedding that had one and only saw one when my brother-in-law got married in Amsterdam.

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IdeoPhanthus posted:

That sounds nice and all, but what about the formal pictures of the wedding party together? Our ceremony is outdoors at my uncle's house. We're doing the group photos before we leave for the reception (between the end of the ceremony & the start of the reception). I've been to several weddings, but they all did recieving lines, so they exited down the aisle to a spot for the congrats, and then after all the guests exited/congratulated, the wedding party went back to the altar area for their formal photos. If we're not doing a recieving line, but instead we're going directly to the formal photos, what do we do...exit down the aisle & loop back to the altar?

I strongly recommend that you do most of your photography beforehand. After the ceremony, everyone is going to want to celebrate, not stand around for 45 minutes taking pictures. If you don't want the bride and groom to see each other, just do the pictures with the bride (you), then go wait somewhere while the photos that involve the groom are taken. After the ceremony, walk down the aisle to a private room where you can be alone (trust me, this is very important and awesome) until the guests depart for the reception. Then the wedding party can finish taking posed shots in the ceremony location. I have never photographed a wedding where the posed shots were taken at the altar - my clients always preferred that they be taken someone on the ceremony grounds, and that the only photos at the altar be taken during the actual ceremony. However, you should take photos wherever you think it best.

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Gravitee posted:

What is everyone's opinion of a big group photo of the whole bridal party, family and guests after the ceremony? I've seen some before and they really look neat. Is it hard to coordinate?

I don't think I want a receiving line. I understand the importance of thanking everyone who came, but I always feel awkward no matter how well I know the couple. The cocktail hour starts immediately after the ceremony and I figure we'll finish pictures during that time and make our entrance between cocktails and dinner. I think I might go around to each table after dinner to talk to people.

I've never done it as a photographer, and my wedding was too big to try, but that sounds like a neat idea. Another option is having the photographer do posed photos of each table of guests to include in your album. You can even have each table sign a paper matte frame to go around the photo.

Skip the receiving line. Seriously, it is a huge waste of time, time that could be spent celebrating. Plus you'll be tired (dresses are heavy, shoes uncomfortable, weddings tiring) and will wear yourself out before the party even begins.

My strategy as bride was that, during the reception, my husband and I visited every table. This way you can still greet everyone and say thank you, but you can do it 8-10 people at a time. It was also a useful strategy when it came to remembering names - I could forget some and no one would really know.

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Dec 9, 2006

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Gravitee posted:

In a couple of other wedding forums I've visited, the bachelor party seems to be a point of contention among couples it seems. From indiebride:

I'm not really worried about the bachelor party, even though I know they are going to a strip club. Either I'm extremely naive or maybe I just trust my partner - I'm not worried about it. There is a subforum on indiebride almost entirely dedicated to the subject and I think most of them are overreacting.

For my bachelorette party we are going camping. No dick necklaces and tiaras for me.

I had a coed bachelor/bachelorette party. My husband was THRILLED to watch me get a lap dance And the strippers were very nice, they thought it was awesome that my girl pals and I came along. I don't understand why it's such a big deal - my husband got a few lap dances without me. If you think strippers are inappropriate or immoral to begin with I could see disagreeing, but otherwise, trust is trust.

Edit: My sister INSISTED I drink through a dick-topped straw, but she was kind enough to make me a red veil with devil horns, so I obliged.

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Dec 9, 2006

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Ekplixi posted:

My fiance and I are having a courthouse wedding in two weeks due to some outside factors (but it is what we want, so no worries). Any tips on making the day special? I want to wear a real wedding gown, although the one I picked is pretty low-key.

Also, does anyone know if the court will let you change your first name on your marriage lisence? I am in the process of changing my first name but this would make everything so much easier. I hate my birth name and taking my husband's last name would mean having one of the most common names in the country - but I definitely want to change it.

Have a nice bouquet. That's always something special, something you don't buy everyday.

As far as name changes, the rules on that vary from state to state.

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goatse guy posted:

My boyfriend asked me to marry him on Monday, so now the fun begins! We've got a pretty good idea of what we want to do, we just don't know when we should do it. How did you guys decide on your wedding date?

I picked my date pretty quickly, by using the following factors:

1. My bat mitzvah was very nearly canceled thanks to a blizzard. I was not going through that nightmare again, so November-February was out. Given how much it snows in your area, this is something to think about.

2. Spring & Summer are wedding season. Location rentals can go up in price because of that, so early spring was a good choice to save some money.

3. Early Spring was preferable to Early Summer because it's cooler, and wedding dresses are heavy.

4. I had a specific rabbi I wanted to marry me and a specific wedding planner as well, so I had to accommodate their schedules. Obviously, if you don't have a wedding planner and officiant in mind, this won't be an issue.

5. I was impatient. I waited 8 years to get engaged, I was not interested in a long engagement.

Ultimately, the wedding was scheduled in early May, 10 months after we got engaged. Any less would have been too little time, but if you aren't planning a super-traditional (and large and expensive) wedding, time is less of an issue.

Congrats by the way!

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Dec 9, 2006

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For all you do-it-yourselfers, I just want to reassure you like ElanoreMcMantis did - you really can do it. This may sound strange coming from me, as I had that crazy expensive wedding paid for by my parents, but long before my own wedding I began a side career as a wedding photographer. I quit about 6 months ago, so I have bout 5 years experience. 95% of the weddings I worked on were by do-it-yourselfers and/or couples with families on tight budgets. As long as you have reasonable expectations (like not having a Vera Wang gown, who incidentally was too expensive even for my crazy-rear end budget), you can have a wonderful wedding. Here are some suggestions based on 5 years in the field.

1. Hire a wedding photographer from a local art school. People just starting out in the field charge a lot less, and those in the process of learning often do a fantastic job. They also often have big technological resources at school and professors who they can turn to for help.

2. Have the wedding at a public place. I have done several weddings at public parks and botanical gardens where the location fee was $100 or less, and all the couples had to pay for were tables, chairs, and tents.

3. Use in season flowers. I actually did this for my wedding. I saved about $10,000 on flowers by not using exotic and/or out of season flowers. Conversely, one of my clients spent a FORTUNE on flowers because she absolutely had to have black roses.

4. Hire a DJ. I really wanted to do this at my own wedding. I could have saved $5,000 by doing this, but my parents got picky about "classy" entertainment when they became wealthy. The band at my wedding was nice, but the lead singer was dumpy with a way-too-revealing dress and the guitarist who sounded like Louie Armstrong when he sang looked like a grunge guitarist who hadn't showered for a few days. With the $5,000 I could have saved with a DJ I could have done a lot of other neat things.

5. Stop worrying about what you "need". The wedding industry just makes that poo poo up as you go along. I didn't give out favors at my own wedding. We were down to the wire on budget towards the end, and I wanted programs more, so we skipped the little trinkets. My wedding planner said that this was becoming increasingly common.

6. Skip custom printed invitations. They cost a lot. Most of my clients (and my friends too) bought pre-designed invites at Target and printed them on their printers at home (or the office). Frankly, they all looked just as nice as mine and cost a huge chunk less.

7. Skip dinner. Seriously. This is where most of your budget will end up. My parents were broke when they got married, so they stuck to cocktails, appetizers, and cake. One wedding I did was a dessert wedding. It was really awesome.

8. Get married at somewhere less glamourous or somewhere unconventional. Nice decorations can turn a church rec room, an elks lodge, or your aunt's backyard into a really awesome reception location.

9. Get married on an "off" day. I saved about $5000 on my fancy ceremony/reception location because it was a Sunday, and most people reserved it for Friday and Saturday weddings. I have worked at weddings during the week too. If you don't have a lot of people traveling from far away, you should have no problems with weekday turn out.

10. Pickup a wedding planner sepcifically about inexpensive weddings at the bookstore. They are full of useful suggestions.

11. If you can't have a fairytale wedding, that's ok. My parents were too broke to afford the fancy wedding my mom always dreamed about. 30 years later, they had money, so they flew themselves and their kids to Vegas for a swank vacation during which time they got remarried by Elvis. We actually just got back a week ago. It was loving awesome. So just because you can't go all out now doesn't mean you can't go all out ever.

And congrats to the newest group of fiancee's! Wedding planning is stressful, but also very fun. Enjoy yourself!

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squirrellypoo posted:

Did anyone else say no kids at their wedding? We want to word it so that it's clear that kids are not accepted, and a creche will be provided (but just saying "a creche will be provided for the under 10s" makes it sound like it's optional to cage them in there).

We did not allow children at our wedding. The youngest person actually invited to the wedding was my 12 year old cousin. According to my wedding planner, this is pretty standard. The only exception was my 6 month old niece, and we hired a babysitter for her and she stayed in a spare lounge at the ceremony/reception location. My sister-in-law was able to sneak off to nurse her, and then come back to the party and hang with the grown ups.

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Get Down Come Up posted:


I personally thought your invites were a bit weird, but I think that it's your wedding, so you should do what feels right for you. I didn't watch the youtube (stuck at work) but I really do like the idea of including a DVD. It makes a nice keepsake for your friends and family, especially those who can't make it to the wedding for whatever reason.

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From what I learned from wedding how-to books and my wedding planner, cash bars are considered big faux-paxs. From my experience as a wedding photographer, people get really upset about them. I'm guessing that giving some guests full free bar and others a cash bar (or vouchers) will also not go over very well.

But you're my own sex video not obligated to provide a full open bar either. Many couples I worked for offered beer and wine and skipped expensive cocktails and liquor. Several others did the "featured drink" thing - they offered a few specialty/themed cocktails instead of a full bar. Some of these couples offered liquor/cocktails guests could buy, and others just stuck to free wine and beer. Guests at weddings with a free limited bar or free featured cocktails only never minded the compromise.

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There were a number of people at my wedding that I barely knew, didn't like, or had never met. But according to my wedding planner, I didn't have to greet everybody who came to the reception. Receiving lines are less and less common these days, and not everybody needs to be greeted. My husband and I managed to say hi to everybody. We went table to table during dinner. Since everybody was busy chowing down, we got to say hi briefly and then we swiftly moved on to the next table. We greeted over 200 people and still had time to eat dinner and enjoy ourselves.

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Venyia posted:

Just a question for consideration:

Has anyone had a situation where your father or other male father-figure wasn't available or alive for your wedding? My father died when I was 16, but I like the symbolism behind being handed from your young, family life to your new, husband-oriented life. I consider asking my mother to do me the honor of walking me down the aisle, but I'm curious how others handled the scenario.

My sister was married a few years ago, and she had our uncle walk her down the aisle, but I don't have the same relationship with him that she does.

I'm not getting married any time soon, but this is something I ponder occasionally anyhow! Thoughts, comments?

I was given away by both my mom and my dad, as was my sister. At least half of the weddings I worked did the same.

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Your sister is being ridiculous. I can understand her not wanting you to leapfrog her and get married before her, or in the same month as her, but spring being off limits? That's just crazy. Pick the date you want and let her have a pity party. If it helps, May-September is wedding season and competition for resources is higher, as are rental costs. If you get married late fall/over the winter/very early spring, you can save money and skip some hassling. This is your special day - get married when YOU want, not when she wants.

Edit: And congratulations!

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I got a lot of reading ideas from indiebride. There are also books published just to help you with readings, you could try amazon or your library.

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I'm a huge fan of The Knot - my wedding planner is one of their founding consultants - but I stayed far, far away from the forums. Everybody on there seemed pretty unstable.

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goatse guy posted:

I can't stop reading those forums either. The community weddingplans on Livejournal is the same way - my friend and I have a contest to see who can find the craziest posts in that community. The posts are all either people having meltdowns about their crazy family, or people posting really tacky crap, and you'll get a warning from the mods if you tell someone their dress is not flattering.

You should post a few of the craziest ones here!

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zap actionsdower! posted:

For some reason it took me forever to even FIND the forums on The Knot.

But now that I have, I really want to post a gloating thread in the Not Engaged (Yet) forum. Those girls are crazy. Listen, ladies, if I can wait 5+ years and never need to post on a forum about it, so can you!

edit: I especially like the ones who are like, "We've been dating almost 2 years already! WHAT IS HE WAITING FOR??!"

Seriously? There is such a section? And people post in it? I think I win that thread though - I waited 8 years!

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nwin posted:

Tell me if this is normal so I can stop freaking out a bit:

I'm already married to my wife. We did a quick justice of the peace deal a year ago and are now getting ready to do the formal wedding for the families in October. We sent out invitations mid June with and RSVP date of August 1st, just so we could get a somewhat accurate amount of people for the wedding.

It's August 7th, and a total of maybe 5 people have RSVPed, out of the 60 invitations we sent out. This isn't including people I know will come, like immediate family, bridal party, etc. If you add that to it, we probably have about 25 people, give or take.

We were expecting a small wedding of probably not much more than 100 people, but with no one responding and it's already a week past being due, I'm getting a bit concerned.

Is this the norm to be late on RSVP'ing? Any tips on what I should start doing?

According to tradition and my wedding books, invites are normally sent out romantic couple sex video 6-8 weeks before an event. So you sent out pretty early, and my guess is that everyone plans on RSVPing closer to the event date. It is normal for some people not to RSVP, making you track them down by phone. But I think by the time Sept. 1 rolls around, you'll have heard from almost everybody.

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Despite my high-price wedding (paid for by my parents), my rings were hand-me-downs from each of my grandmas (their mothers' rings). They were not elaborate, ritzy rings either. Why make my broke then-fiancee go into debt? Debt I would inherit when we merged finances! If family rings weren't available, we would have picked something in his price range. In fact, I told him that he could propse with a twisty-tie, and I meant it.

Congrats to our newest newlyweds!

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I can sympathize with you. While my mom was thrilled to plan my wedding (for me oftentimes!), when I told her that we were starting a family soon, she totally flipped. She didn't think we were ready, and she didn't think she was old enough to be a grandma. So we talked about it with her gently, and over time, she got on board with things. So it may just be a matter of time before your mother gradually warms up to the idea. She may just be having trouble adjusting to the fact that her once young daughter is now older and getting married. It may just be an issue of adjustment. Which I know is hard when you guys are so excited about it. So I wouldn't avoid the subject with her, but I wouldn't fight about it either. Good luck!

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TinuvielDancing posted:


I planned my wedding in 10 months, and I had that crazy-rear end gigantic wedding on steroids. I would imagine that a normal wedding could definitely be planned in seven months.

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