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Kung Fu Jesus
Jun 20, 2002

lol jews gonna get fucked.

I am currently reading Song of Susannah. I guess I have a higher tolerance for King's bullshit because it seems to be ok. Just ok. I am not a fan of all the metephysical wierdo poo poo with Susanah though. I'd much prefer a straight up kick rear end action story. But I cannot stop now. I must finish this series even if the tower turns out to be Disneyland and Mickey Mouse is real and I'm in the loving book.

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egon_beeblebrox
Feb 29, 2008

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Am I alone in thinking "The Long Walk" was the best thing he's written? I'd like to see a movie made of it, but can't really see it happening.

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Hedrigall
Mar 27, 2008

Furgiven, but not furgotten


Anyone who's stopped reading King lately should do themselves a huge favour and pick up Duma Key (one of his most haunting and scariest books in a long time) and Just After Sunset.

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quarkman
Feb 7, 2006

I'ma fucking KILL you Spuds Mackenzie


Kung Fu Jesus posted:

I am currently reading Song of Susannah. I guess I have a higher tolerance for King's bullshit because it seems to be ok. Just ok. I am not a fan of all the metephysical wierdo poo poo with Susanah though. I'd much prefer a straight up kick rear end action story. But I cannot stop now. I must finish this series even if the tower turns out to be Disneyland and Mickey Mouse is real and I'm in the loving book.

"Oh by my father's beard!!" Roland cried out in suprise.

"All along, the Crimson King was....." [turn page to reveal the Crimson King]


*turns page to reveal a glossy, foil-like substance which shows the reflection of the reader*


[Roland and King in unison] "NNNNNnnnnnnnnOOOOOOOoOOoOOoOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOOOH!!!"

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Kwik
Apr 4, 2006

You can't touch our beaver.


egon_beeblebrox posted:

Am I alone in thinking "The Long Walk" was the best thing he's written? I'd like to see a movie made of it, but can't really see it happening.

Frank Darabont apparently holds the cinematic rights to it, though, you're right, I'm not sure how they're gonna be able to do it.

As for the best? It's good, but I still have a bit of a soft spot for The Running Man. It really can't be stated enough, the only thing that story shares with the movie version is the drat title.

As for the worst? Lisey's Story was a bit of a clunker, and, as mentioned, Cell fell off a cliff big time near the end.

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Feb 24, 2004

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Kwik posted:

As for the best? It's good, but I still have a bit of a soft spot for The Running Man. It really can't be stated enough, the only thing that story shares with the movie version is the drat title.

The Running Man is arguably the best of the Bachman books.

I love how the chapters count backwards.

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walnuts
Feb 17, 2007
HEY.... Take the money.

ConfusedUs posted:

Duma Key is rad. You're missing out.

I am about halfway through this after giving King another chance based on a one-line recommendation by someone in a thread in TBB, and I honestly don't know if I can keep going with it. It is really boring the hell out of me. I will pick it up, read a few lines and just feel completely put-off.

This is just my opinion, I think he has had some pretty fantastic ideas but I just can't stand his characters - I just don't find the majority of them believable in the slightest. (I'm speaking a lot about his movies as well).

I'm really glad that somebody mentioned 'Magical Retards' as well as that has been something that has annoyed me a lot in his books and movies.

Edit: also I refuse to believe Stephen King wrote The Green Mile or Shawshank Redemption.

In fact I imagine he was having a family gathering and some distant nephew was there showing him a couple of his works to see if Uncle Steve could offer him any advice. Stephen said sure he would take them away to have a look, and bam he put his own name all over them.

Also the nephew was never heard of again.

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Julia Trillard
Apr 19, 2009

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Just After Sunset is amazing and anyone who hasn't read it should do so.

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NosmoKing
Nov 12, 2004

I have a rifle and a frying pan and I know how to use them

Steve's list of magical (and non-magical) retards from memory: (please add any you can remember)

Salem's lot: Junk yard attendant, tangential to the plot.

Blaze: Main character. To be fair, he's brain damaged by abuse, not born a 'tard.

Cell: Yep, magic 'tards ahoy.

Dark Tower: Pivotal character, integral to the plot and the climax

Desparation/The Regulators: Pivotal character, integral to the plot and the climax

Dreamcatcher: Pivotal character, integral to the plot and the climax

Green Mile: A quite literally Magical Retard, Coffey.

Kingdom Hospital (TV series): Pair of psychic tards

The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill: Tard turns to plant by meteor.

The Stand: MOON, that spells magical retard.

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Hedrigall
Mar 27, 2008

Furgiven, but not furgotten


NosmoKing posted:

Kingdom Hospital (TV series): Pair of psychic tards

To be fair to Steve, there were psychic tards in the original Danish version too (which is far better and scary as gently caress)

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Schweig und tanze
May 22, 2007

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My vote goes to The Regulators. That one was just straight up stupid. free milf videos porn Killer vans from TV come to life? Thanks to a retard? WHAT THE gently caress.

Although I will say King does a really great job (in my opinion) of creating that really intense feeling of "oh god they're coming they're gonna get me I'm running out of time HOLY poo poo HERE THEY COME!!" which is always the most effective scare for me because I have nightmares along the same lines on a regular basis. It was the one saving grace in that book. Lisey's Story, too, although I thought the plot in that one was stronger than The Regulators, the execution was just really clumsy.

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NosmoKing
Nov 12, 2004

I have a rifle and a frying pan and I know how to use them

Stentorian Longing posted:

My vote goes to The Regulators. That one was just straight up stupid. erotic sex stories illustrated Killer vans from TV come to life? Thanks to a retard? WHAT THE gently caress.



Yeah, and at the climax, the 'tard hairy teen pussy movies defeats the demon by taking a poo poo

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

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Mar 8, 2007

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Yes to the magically disabled (can we please not use the word tard?) plots being poo poo. I didn't even read Desperation/The Regulators for that very reason, I heard about it ahead of time.

But the worst for me was Gerald's Game. I bought it, read ten pages, and then took the book back. It's the only book I've ever returned in my life. I felt dirty just reading those ten pages.

Duma Key was good when it was about just the guy and how he'd changed and how he could paint cool, slightly spooky things - but then it became yet another generic Stephen King character has family issues that have haunted them for decades...and now they're manifest! ooooooh spooooky

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Women's Rights?
Nov 16, 2005

Ain't give a damn


Where was the magical retard in Desperation? I thought the autistic kid didn't get included in that one? It's been awhile since I've read it so I could be wrong.

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Death Hamster
Aug 21, 2007
Is this a two-bagger I see before me?

So the worst Stephen King novel is that one where the group of people get attacked by a supernatural force and then the (magical) mentally challenged kid saves them?

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Tuxedo Catfish
Mar 17, 2007

You've got guts! Come to my village, I'll buy you lunch.


Death Hamster posted:

So the worst Stephen King novel is that one where the group of people get attacked by a supernatural force and then the (magical) mentally challenged kid saves them?

That would make The Stand the worst Stephen King novel, which is clearly wrong. So let's just say it's the worst plot element.

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SuperMechagodzilla
Jun 9, 2007



Cell is actually elena grimaldi video porn decent if you can ignore the horrible, horrible dialogue. Seriously the cutesy catchphrases and extremely strained pop culture references ruin everything.

Also by the end, it's more 'clever' than actually scary or thrilling, and it would work better as a short story, but it's not terrible.

Dreamcatcher was just plain terrible though. Not just with the magical retard, but with every single other character presented as magical too. And then by the end of it, it didn't even have any bearing on the plot if I remember correctly. The magical poo poo just wastes time.

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AN ANGRY MOTHER
Jan 31, 2008
BLANK

I forget which Dark Tower book had the 9/11 reference in it but that is the worst book.

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Apr 4, 2009
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Not really a novel but I loving hated The Sun Dog.

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Bosushi!
Apr 17, 2002
Who wouldn't be freaked out by a spider the size of a horse, even IF he was wearing a tophat?

NosmoKing posted:

Yeah, and at the climax, the 'tard sex tape of hoopz defeats the demon by taking a poo poo

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Oh no no no, don't make me read the book to find out the context. I can't stop laughing, oh lord.

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Ballsworthy
Apr 30, 2008

yup

Dr. Mulholland posted:

Not really a novel but I loving hated The Sun Dog.

Goes back to my earlier point. "Hmm, what hasn't been haunted yet? Oh poo poo, look at this loving camera, I bet it's loving haunted, yeah!" And I still think the Sun Dog's better than that other bullshit from Four After Midnight, killing a monster with better sex for men loving RED VINES. Even when I was twelve I was disappointed by that.

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lamb SAUCE
Nov 1, 2005

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AN ANGRY MOTHER posted:

I forget which Dark Tower book had the 9/11 reference in it but that is the worst book.

Song of Susannah I think, with Black Thirteen being placed in a locker underneath the World Trade Center.

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remigious
May 13, 2009

Destruction comes inevitably


Lipstick Apathy

I was not a fan of The Colorado Kid. It was just boring! And A Buick 8 was just awful too.

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Moon Pie
Jul 28, 2004


I remember really disliking the Tommynockers, even though I did manage to finish it. I liked the basic plot (an unearthed UFO controlling people's minds and transforming their bodies) and it had enough suspension to keep me going, but it went on way to long. It introduced contrivance after contrivance to the point where I was completely unable to suspend my disbelief anymore. The over-the-top characters didn't help with this. Plus the whole idea of machines comming alive and killing people is probably SK's most retarded trope ever.

Much was the same problem with Cell. Subliminal phone messages rebooting people's brains turning them into bestial maniacs? I dig that. Said maniacs developing psychic powers and floating through air and poo poo? Not so much.

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Izzy Mandelbaum
Dec 5, 2006

It's go time


This thread reminds me of the joke in the simpsons or family guy where King has to come up with a book idea to his publishers and picks up the "haunted lamp" in his office. I bet his publisher has had the same rolleye reaction in real life many times.

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Women's Rights?
Nov 16, 2005

Ain't give a damn


Bosushi! posted:

Oh no no no, don't make me read the book to find out the context. I can't stop laughing, oh lord.

The best part is it doesn't even work.

chinese actor sex scandal The autistic kid is possessed by a demon but the demon hates being there when the kid is taking a dump, so the kid's aunt feeds him a bunch of laxatives and tries to make a break for it. The demon gets all pissed off when he realizes what's going on, takes over the kid again, and starts wrecking things and the aunt goes off into her own little mind world to escape it. You know. Like people do.

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NosmoKing
Nov 12, 2004

I have a rifle and a frying pan and I know how to use them

Death Hamster posted:

So the worst Stephen King novel is that one where the group of people get attacked by a supernatural force and then the (magical) mentally challenged kid saves them?

IIRC, Tom Cullen was the first "special person with powers". The Stand was such a hit that he decided to recycle the plot element over and over and over.

Tom's not even all that magical, especially compared to the later iterations of SuperSpEd's

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Schweig und tanze
May 22, 2007

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Bosushi! posted:

Oh no no no, don't make me read the book to find out the context. I can't stop laughing, oh lord.

Seriously, it's the worst book ever, but I imagine it'd be a little better if you got into it for comedy value.

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chazerizer
Apr 6, 2009


egon_beeblebrox posted:

Am I alone in thinking "The Long Walk" was the best thing he's written? I'd like to see a movie made of it, but can't really see it happening.

I was just gonna leave this thread alone, as pretty much every opinion has been written, but I gotta say, this is pretty much spot on. It would be a terrible movie though. Either it would have to be 90% flashbacks and outside the book plot, or it would end up like "The Running Man" and be completely different from the actual book. Either way, it's not particularly good.

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AN ANGRY MOTHER
Jan 31, 2008
BLANK

Zimadori Zinger posted:

Song of Susannah I think, with Black Thirteen being placed in a locker underneath the World Trade Center.

Oh poo poo I forgot about that part, I was thinking of when Roland saw a plane in the sky and thought something like "I hope no one decides to run those into something".

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Chairman Capone
Dec 17, 2008



Bloody Hedgehog posted:

I haven't read through the whole Dark Tower series yet, but I'm really disliking Wizard & Glass. Apart from the last quarter of the book when things start cooking, the majority of the book is some boring western bodice-ripper where nothing happens whatsoever. When I first started it I thought, "Alright, Roland will recount his past for a few chapters and then we'll be back in business.". And then it just keeps going and going and you slowly realize the whole book is about his past and some woman you don't really care about.

Such a shame too after The Wastelands. That book was kickass from the first page to the last. Blaine was awesome.

I read the entire series for the first time last summer and had the same problem. I really struggled to get through most of Wizard and Glass and then the last quarter FINALLY started going somewhere. I remember my dad mentioning to me that he tried to read the series and gave up part way through Wizard and Glass.

I don't know, I feel like I'm the only person who thinks that Wolves of the Calla is better than Wizard and Glass. Okay I get it, people don't like the references to Harry Potter, but that's what, one or two pages out of over 500? I think it does the whole spaghetti western/fantasy combination way better than Wizard did, which I found to just be some stereotypical teen romance combined with fifty repetitions of "Oh Roland, let me gaze into your eyes" followed by King inserting constant "LITTLE DID THEY KNOW IT WOULD SOON END IN TRAGEDY!"

Song of Susannah I didn't really think was bad. Boring for the most part, yes, but short and only really bad in a few places carlie beck nude pics meeting real Stephen King.

And The Dark Tower I thought was actually pretty good. It was maybe more bloated than it needed to be but (other than the retarded Crimson King) I didn't see what could really have been an ending that suited the series better, and there were some genuinely well written segments in the book that are as good as anything King has written. nude solo girls pics The battle at Algol Siento, the deaths of Eddie, Jake, and Oy, the scenes where they're being chased by the Lovecraftian monster underground

I guess it really depends on whether you're a reader who's followed the series since the 1970s, or whether (like me) you read it all at once after it was finished so didn't have decades of time to build up how it might have gone and what different endings might be.

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Bloody Hedgehog
Dec 12, 2003

Gotta' nuke something.


Chairman Capone posted:

.... which I found to just be some stereotypical teen romance combined with fifty repetitions of "Oh Roland, let me gaze into your eyes".

I will say though that Wizard & Glass had one amazing funny line that made up for a lot of the poo poo. I don't know if it was intentionally funny or what, but I loved it.

(I'm paraphrasing the first part)

"Oh Roland, your love fills me anew, makes me a better person! I could could go on forever, wrapped in your loving embrace, dear Roland." Roland's balls ached.

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Kung Fu Jesus
Jun 20, 2002

lol jews gonna get fucked.

I enjoyed Wolves of the Calla. I liked the whole Magnificent Seven mixed with a bit of mystery about the wolves. Also the gunslingers were made out to be total bad asses.

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Metonymy
Aug 31, 2005


It's lara croft porn games The Dark Tower.

This is poor world-building dressed up with a bunch of unnecessary neologisms to make it seem otherworldly.

The character isn't compelling or sympathetic (if there are hidden depths to him, who cares?), the situations are forced and bizarre (a disembodied sexghost? what the gently caress?), and any of Cormac McCarthy's one-line toss-offs about the desert make King's efforts to evoke the vast wasteland seem like the stoned meanderings of a slightly weird nineteen year-old. Which, apparently, they might have been.

To say nothing of the stirring conclusion: "yeah, but what if our galaxy is just, like, molecules in webcam girl strips naked another galaxy, man?"

Make it Stop posted:

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I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

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Aturaten
Mar 23, 2008

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Metonymy posted:

It's james franco nude pictures The Dark Tower.

This is poor world-building dressed up with a bunch of unnecessary neologisms to make it seem otherworldly.

The character isn't compelling or sympathetic (if there are hidden depths to him, who cares?), the situations are forced and bizarre (a disembodied sexghost? what the gently caress?), and any of Cormac McCarthy's one-line toss-offs about the desert make King's efforts to evoke the vast wasteland seem like the stoned meanderings of a slightly weird nineteen year-old. Which, apparently, they might have been.

Did you just insult Gunslinger? If it's that travesty The Dark Tower VII, then fine, but not Gunslinger.

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Metonymy
Aug 31, 2005


Aturaten posted:

Did you just insult Gunslinger? If it's that travesty The Dark Tower VII, then fine, but not Gunslinger.

Nope, definitely insulting Gunslinger. Thankfully haven't made it to The Dark Tower VII, but I'm staring at tia carrere sex scenes The Drawing of the Three sitting on my desk, and considering returning it to the library unread.

My least favorite part about Stephen King is his faux-folksy act. His vision of working-class culture is locked somewhere in between 1950 and 1970. So when he tries to write "folksy", it comes off as fake and anachronistic. He's like the Lynn Johnston of thrillers.

And in Gunslinger, he basically takes his pretensions to folksiness, and turns them into the basis for an entire little kid sex videos world. Howken? Thankee, sai? Would foller him into the sea if he asked; so I would? bi sexual porn free Really?

Tell me what's cool about the book aside from the opening line and the concept. I'll grant that "The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed." is an amazing opener, and the idea of The Dark Tower as a macguffin is interesting, but this is some of the most hackneyed and disjointed nonsense I've ever read.

I like Stephen King, and I like his short stories in particular, but this book is the epitome of hack genre fiction.

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Bag Of Ghosts
Jan 17, 2008

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It's not a novel, but has anyone here read "Ur?" It's Stephen King's Kindle-exclusive short story. It was written to help promote the Kindle.

It is about a professor who receives a haunted Kindle in the mail. For those who didn't hear me: IT IS ABOUT A PROFESSOR WHO RECEIVES A HAUNTED KINDLE IN THE MAIL. And it is ten kinds of terrible. The characters literally have conversations about the Kindle's features and praise it endlessly.

I loved free cell porn videos Misery and kinda enjoyed free rss porn movies The Shining but ho my God in heaven this story . . . it is the Worst Thing. Stephen King, buddy, I love and respect you, but you are a sellout.

Stephen King's short fiction in general isn't very good. I read nude girl fingering herself Just After Sunset and was kind of meh about every story in it.

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Bloody Hedgehog
Dec 12, 2003

Gotta' nuke something.


Bag Of Ghosts posted:

It's not a novel, but has anyone here read "Ur?" It's Stephen King's Kindle-exclusive short story. It was written to help promote the Kindle.

It is about a professor who receives a haunted Kindle in the mail. For those who didn't hear me: IT IS ABOUT A PROFESSOR WHO RECEIVES A HAUNTED KINDLE IN THE MAIL. And it is ten kinds of terrible. The characters literally have conversations about the Kindle's features and praise it endlessly.

I loved anna faris nude videos Misery and kinda enjoyed amateur black teen pics The Shining but ho my God in heaven this story . . . it is the Worst Thing. Stephen King, buddy, I love and respect you, but you are a sellout.

Stephen King's short fiction in general isn't very good. I read tyra banks porn videos Just After Sunset and was kind of meh about every story in it.

And then, Tim found out Kindle 2 wouldn't have a flash slot! AAAIIIEEEEEE!!!!! "Get back, demon machine!" Tim yelled, as he pulled out his magical talisman, which just happened to be the playing card he put in his bikes spokes as a child.

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AN ANGRY MOTHER
Jan 31, 2008
BLANK

Aturaten posted:

Did you just insult Gunslinger? If it's that travesty The Dark Tower VII, then fine, but not Gunslinger.

Gunslinger was good to read, but personally I found that the promise of what was yet to come in the sequels that was most exciting. Of course, it was good because I was still pretty young, and Wizard and Glass was the latest installment.

Although really, they are just stories. I didn't find the rest of them to be terrible, just not what they could have been.

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Ortsacras
Feb 11, 2008
12/17/00 Never Forget

Chairman Capone posted:

I guess it really depends on whether you're a reader who's followed the series since the 1970s, or whether (like me) you read it all at once after it was finished so didn't have decades of time to build up how it might have gone and what different endings might be.

I wonder about this, too, because I have pretty much the same feelings on this as you: generally, I liked it, and didn't particularly mind the turn into meta-fiction. Although if the whole series had been like The Waste Lands it would have been a billion times better; the settings in that book are just amazing.

But yeah, I pretty much read the whole thing in a row after the last one had come out, and liked it just fine. I can see why people who had been waiting twenty years for the last three would be disappointed, but I'm not sure that they wouldn't have been disappointed after that long no matter what happened. If you build something up in your head for that long it's going to be hard to be satisfied, period.

Not that it didn't have its dumb parts, though - while I didn't hate that he put himself in the book, he could have easily just made it his usual writer character named something else and a lot of people would have hated it a lot less. (And the meaning, that this was him, would still have been completely obvious.)

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