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AlteredAtronach
Jul 13, 2009


Rootbeer Baron posted:

I don't have a problem with this, she's apparently 6'5" and I have no doubt that she can be uglied up with the right make-up team, plus she's got the wide puppy dog eyes that Catlyn always prattled on about. I'm not sure who else they could have gotten - who did people want to play her, JK Simmons in a wig?

They could've gotten a female bodybuilder

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Ray_
Sep 15, 2005

It was like the Colosseum in Rome and we were the Christians." - Bobby Dodd, on playing at LSU's Tiger Stadium


AlteredAtronach posted:

They could've gotten a female bodybuilder

Are there a lot of really tall female bodybuilders that are also good actresses?

Are there ass licking lesbian videos any?

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Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



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Toplowtech posted:

How is it a retcon:
_mismatched eyes and white-blonde hair that doesn't sound anything like the Lannister
_said he spent hours watching fire and dreaming of dragon when he was young (and he is still reading books about dragons)
_Tywin's distant behavior with him, only showing real interest in him when Jayme is captured and his final "you are no son of mine"
_Aerys promoting Jayme to King's Guard after his birth, making him indirectly the heir to Casterly Rock and Aerys's reaction to his son abducting another great house member to 'apparently surprise sex her'.
_Tywin's sudden resignation as Hand and his later brutal betrayal of the Targaryen, attempting to kill them all (children includes just because they made Jayme a kingsguard? really?).

Well, it could still be a red herring but it's hardly a retcon.

Yeah, I used the wrong words there. I still think it's stupid though.

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Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



Gravy Boat 2k

A Dance with Dragons seriously loving posted:

The dancers shimmered, their sleek shaved bodies covered with a fine sheen of oil. Blazing torches whirled from hand to hand to the beat of drums and the trilling of a flute. Whenever two torches crossed in the air, a naked girl leapt between them, spinning. The torchlight shone off oiled limbs and breasts and buttocks.

The three men were erect. The sight of their arousal was arousing, though Daenerys Targaryen found it comical as well. The men were all of a height, with long legs and flat bellies, every muscle as sharply etched as if it had been chiseled out of stone. Even their faces looked the same, somehow...which was passing strange, since one had skin as dark as ebony, while the second was pale as milk, and the third gleamed like burnished copper...

As the drums reached a crescendo, three of the girls leapt above the flames, spinning in the air, the male dancers caught them about the waists and slid them down onto their members. Dany watched as the women arched their backs and coiled their legs around their partners while the flutes wept and the men thrust in time to the music. She had seen the act of love before; the Dothraki mated as openly as their mares and stallions. The was the first time she had seen lust put to music, though.

I believe the sentence "the sight of their arousal was arousing," shows that George RR Martin as an author has decided to step into new areas of the writing world. Never in my entire life have I read such a unique passage and, from now on, I will be taking every single Dany POV more seriously. Especially given this new insight that she would willingly throw away her crown for love of a total stranger who has been described a total of 2 times in the entirety of the series A Song of Ice and Fire.

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whowhatwhere
Mar 15, 2010


Again, she's like, what. 16 and not been laid for two years? a year and a half?He's the first relatively attractive guy she sees, and she has a really lovely understanding of attraction and love.

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AlteredAtronach
Jul 13, 2009


whowhatwhere posted:

Again, she's like, what. 16 and not been laid for two years? a year and a half?He's the first relatively attractive guy she sees, and she has a really lovely understanding of attraction and love.

no she went lesbian with her handmaids cause that's how grrm rolls

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nuncle jimbo
Apr 3, 2009



So how come Theon doesn't point out that fake Arya is, well, fake?

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whowhatwhere
Mar 15, 2010


Do famous people nude pics you want to maybe piss off the guy who tore off your skin, chopped off several fingers, and gelded you?

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Ixian
Oct 9, 2001

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uncle jimbo posted:

So how come Theon doesn't point out that fake Arya is, well, fake?

It's not like Ramsey doesn't know, along with (likely) everyone at the Dreadfort. I mean, why would they care? They aren't portrayed as people who let trifling details like that get in the way of a good inheritance.

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threeagainstfour
Jun 27, 2005

"First lesson. Stick 'em with the pointy end."


whowhatwhere posted:

And people criticize the series for characters not acting their age

Yea, the girl who has conquered city after city, has the only three known dragons on Earth and designs to conquer Westeros using them, sounds like every teenager I know!

"I want to conquer Westeros, better banish one of my greatest and most loyal advisers and generals because he informed on me a year or two back under completely different circumstances. Time to hop into bed with a disreputable sellsword with a history of betrayal, because I'm a teenager!"

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nuncle jimbo
Apr 3, 2009



whowhatwhere posted:

Do magic moments sex toys you want to maybe piss off the guy who tore off your skin, chopped off several fingers, and gelded you?

Well, what do I have to lose?

Ixian posted:

It's not like Ramsey doesn't know, along with (likely) everyone at the Dreadfort. I mean, why would they care? They aren't portrayed as people who let trifling details like that get in the way of a good inheritance.

But it's not a legitimate inheritance. I'd care. But if the answer is, 'they know and don't care', then well

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VaultAggie
Nov 18, 2010

Best out of 71?

The one question I need answered is this; Is Bronn still kicking around or does he not show up at all?

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Blade_of_tyshalle
Jul 12, 2009

If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... maribel guardia nude pic you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.



Paper Lion posted:

So yeah this ain't TVIV but everyone in here was raging about Brienne being "TV ugly" and not REAL ugly.

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Oh, look, someone who doesn't match the physique at all and may very well destroy her preexisting career in any attempt to match it. Brilliant casting, that.

I'm withholding final judgement until we see actual footage, but this is very lame news so far. Brienne is not willowy or pretty, especially not both.

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Decius
Oct 14, 2005



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Ray_ posted:

Seriously? She's throwing away the Dornish alliance to wed a loving Mereenese. She chose a lovely city in Slaver's Bay over Westeros. How. loving. Dumb.

Another king/queen following the proud and successful example of Robb Stark.

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whowhatwhere
Mar 15, 2010


threeagainstfour posted:

Yea, the girl who has conquered city after city, has the only three known dragons on Earth and designs to conquer Westeros using them, sounds like every teenager I know!

"I want to conquer Westeros, better banish one of my greatest and most loyal advisers and generals because he informed on me a year or two back under completely different circumstances. Time to hop into bed with a disreputable sellsword with a history of betrayal, because I'm a teenager!"

Having three dragons and good advice and great luck doesn't make her mature. And I'm not saying that her behavior is what most teens would be dumb enough to do. But teens do free anal sex porno really, really, really dumb poo poo all the time. Plus she's been nigh-invincible for a few months now, has rapidly growing dragons, and is in a position where she has no real checks at all -- speedbumps, at best. The way GRRM's written it is hilariously bad, but the basic idea isn't all that insane.

Now Ramsay Bolton...

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Ray_
Sep 15, 2005

It was like the Colosseum in Rome and we were the Christians." - Bobby Dodd, on playing at LSU's Tiger Stadium


Decius posted:

Another king/queen following the proud and successful example of Robb Stark.

Robb did it for love. Dany did it so she could oral sex oral cancer maybe hold onto Mereen for a little longer.

She's been advised (by Mereenese nobility) that Yunkai (and allies) will maybe probably go for peace if she weds a Mereenese nobleman.

The other reason she's marrying random Mereenese noble is that he was able to end the violence hot naked super models inside the city. You see, there have been multiple grisly murders every loving night since she got there. A group called "The Sons of the Harpy" have claimed responsibility. So yeah, the Mereenese nobility press her about marrying this dude. She meets up with him. He gets her to promise to marry him if there are no further murders for 90 days. Guess what? No further murders!
There's no way this guy is involved in a leadership capacity with the Sons of the Harpy! He's just that persuasive! It's in no way suspicious that he's able to get this group of nobles that hate the gently caress out of Dany and have been killing/raping/mutilating her people for months to quit cold turkey!
Seriously, there isn't like a few days where her betrothed goes to the different noble families and negotiates a cessation. The violence stops that very night. Surely Dany had to compromise on some issues? Maybe re-open the fighting pits? Nope! She just has to agree to marry this guy.

She's so loving stupid.


Anyway. So yeah: world of difference between Robb and Dany.

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Ray_
Sep 15, 2005

It was like the Colosseum in Rome and we were the Christians." - Bobby Dodd, on playing at LSU's Tiger Stadium


uncle jimbo posted:

So how come Theon doesn't point out that fake Arya is, well, fake?

The Boltons have thoroughly broken him. Ramsay flayed several fingers and toes, then cut them off after weeks of agony, Ramsay broke most of Theon's teeth to the point that he won't eat anything solid at the wedding feast, and Ramsay cut off Theon's cock and balls. I wouldn't be surprised if they cooked them and served it to him. The first glimpse of Theon we get is him eating a rat alive because he's loving starving to death.

He's a broken person. He won't even call himself a man. During the wedding, he was forced to stand in for Ned and give Arya away. During this time he kept thinking - in fear - that Jeyne's eyes were brown and not grey like Arya's and someone would notice. During the feast he toyed with the thought of cutting the girl's throat in an act of mercy, but he couldn't be sure that Ramsay would kill him right away. He was okay with that, but didn't think it likely.

Jeyne begged him to rescue her. He thought that Theon would do it, but that Theon was a man and bold. He was just Reek. It rhymes with meek.

Little rambling there, sorry. It's late.

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the gulper caper
Feb 22, 2004
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Ray_ posted:

The Boltons have thoroughly broken him.

one of the most heartbreaking parts in theon's story was when he took down the greyjoy banners when ramsay sent him to negotiate for moat caitlin. he's so far gone that the gold and black of his house doesnt even resonate with him anymore. it's not just out of fear of death that he doesn't reveal arya as an impostor, he believes ramsay to be his master and doesn't want to betray him.

Ray_ posted:

She's so loving stupid.

this. i think she's the mummer's dragon that she saw in her prophecy. towards the end, even she starts to realize that she has failed to live up to her family's legacy. daario also says as much. after reading ADWD, i could not care less about what happens to the people south of moat caitlin. i just hope that the north can continue as a separate sovereign nation.

i enjoyed the budding brolationship between victarion and moqorro. my only fear is that moqorro will misinterpret something in the fire and victarion will flip out and kill him.

how arya might return to the larger story: new zealand free porn could she end up working as an assassin for varys? the robes the children wore in the epilogue werent black and white and could have been similar to the robes varys wears, but nonetheless the robes and children brought me back to the house of the many faced god.

some evidence that also suggests that porn stories to read jon is azor ahai reborn:

Melisandre posted:

Yet now she could not even seem to find her king. family guy comic sex I pray for a glimpse of Azor Ahai, and Rh'llor shows me only Snow.

the snow she sees could possibly be the blizzard stannis gets caught in, but "Snow" is capitalized which makes me think it refers to free mobile toon porn jon.

\/\/\/
edit:

Rootbeer Baron posted:

This is so ridiculous I'm having trouble even believing it.

it's never explicitly stated that he's been castrated, but in recounting all of the appendages he has lost, he says how ramsay cut off "that thing", which also led me to believe he cut off his dick too.

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Nae!
Aug 5, 2004

Dislikes: Middle-class ideals


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Ray_ posted:

Ramsay cut off Theon's cock and balls

This is so ridiculous I'm having trouble even believing it. Is Dance like 100% Dany porno/Theon sadism? Also I don't believe the thing about going down on the girl on the wedding night because god drat I don't want to imagine anyone writing that let alone Martin (but if anyone would...)

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A GLISTENING HODOR
Aug 8, 2009

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Sexual abuse of a minor? In a GRRM novel?

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Nae!
Aug 5, 2004

Dislikes: Middle-class ideals


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Tony Danza Claus posted:

Sexual abuse of a minor? In a GRRM novel?



Not even that it's abuse but it's just like ugh gurm had to sit there at his little speak'n'say computer and think 'I think I'm gonna cut theon's balls off and then have him eat out a dry twelve year old while there's pus leaking from his fingers and a big old man watches from behind and says SHES TOO DRY THEON WORK HARDER'

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A GLISTENING HODOR
Aug 8, 2009

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And people wondered why the bad thread was the way it was.

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Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



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Good god, Gurm isn't even trying with Ramsay or any of the Boltons really. They're so hilariously over-the-top. Seriously, they live in a place called "The Dreadfort," they have a family tradition of skinning people and then wearing their skins, and they have a loving flayed man as their house sigil. Top it all off by having them murder/torture some of the main characters and there you go. Remember when he wrote villainous characters that were still somewhat sympathetic?

VaultAggie posted:

The one question I need answered is this; Is Bronn still kicking around or does he not show up at all?

As far as I can tell from the chapter summaries I've seen, it looks like he doesn't show up at all which sucks because what he did in A Feast for Crows was the only entertaining part of it.

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Ray_
Sep 15, 2005

It was like the Colosseum in Rome and we were the Christians." - Bobby Dodd, on playing at LSU's Tiger Stadium


Rootbeer Baron posted:

This is so ridiculous I'm having trouble even believing it. Is Dance like 100% Dany porno/Theon sadism? Also I don't believe the thing about going down on the girl on the wedding night because god drat I don't want to imagine anyone writing that let alone Martin (but if anyone would...)

The cock thing is never stated outright, but it's pretty obvious. As to the other:

GRRM seriously loving posted:

"Lady Arya. Get on the bed. Yes, against the pillows, that's a good wife. Now spread your legs. Let us see your stinkyhole"
The girl obeyed, wordless. Theon took a step back toward the door. Lord Ramsay sat beside his bride, slid his hand along her inner thigh, then jammed two fingers up inside her. The girl let out a gasp of pain. "You're dry as an old bone." Ramsay pulled his hand free and slapped her face. "I was told that you'd know how to please a man. Was that a lie?"
"N-no, my lord. I was t-trained."
Ramsay rose, the firelight shining on his face. "Reek, get over here. Get her ready for me."
For a moment he did not understand. " I...do you mean...m'lord, I have no...I.."
"With your mouth," Lord Ramsay said. "And be quick about it If she's not wet by the time I'm done disrobing, I will cut off that tongue of yours and nail it to the wall."
Somewhere in the godswood, a raven screamed. The dagger was still in his hand.
He sheathed it.
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Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



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Ray_ posted:

Gurm being Gurmy.

Oh god, Ramsay is such a loving goon.

Hey looks like GURM has been taking a few hints from Twilight:

GRRM seriously loving posted:


That night she could not sleep but turned and twisted restlessly in her bed. She even went so far as to summon Irri, hoping her caresses might help ease her way to rest, but after a short while she pushed the Dothraki girl away. Irri was sweet and soft and willing, but she was not Daario.

naked pete wentz pictures What have I done? she thought, huddled in her empty bed. kelis sex tape images I have waited so long for him to come back, and I send him away. "He would make a monster of me," she whispered, "a butcher queen." But then she thought of Drogon far away, and the dragons in the pit. uncircumcised men having sex There is blood on my hands too, and on my heart. We are not so different, Daario and I. We are both monsters.

So, any bets on when Dany is going to start cutting herself?

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TERFherder
Apr 26, 2010
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Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

Oh, look, someone who doesn't match the physique at all and may very well destroy her preexisting career in any attempt to match it. Brilliant casting, that.

I'm afraid some fans disagree with you, good SER.

quote:

"Brienne is my favourite character in the entire series..."

"Great choice! I can't wait to see her as Brienne "

"I love her eyes. This is great casting choice."

"PERFECT"

"Gwendoline was my dream Brienne! I'm so happy she got the part!!"


I was sort of hoping they would remove Brienne from the HBO show...

Oh snap.. big news from the NAB!

quote:

I should stress that this is a Wild Cards signing. NO COPIES OF DANCE WITH DRAGONS WILL BE ON SALE! I may be able to autograph some of your Ice & Fire books, if time permits, but probably not more than one, and only with a purchase of FORT FREAK. And in the talk and the Q&A session, we'll be talking about Wild Cards, not the new Ice & Fire book or the HBO show. Sorry, but to let GAME OF THRONES take over the session would not be fair to the other writers.

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pigdog
Apr 23, 2004


These books piss me the gently caress off. Why do I keep reading this crap? It's like stabbing my own balls. gently caress GRRM in the rear end with a red hot spear.


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scaevola
Jan 25, 2011


GRRM posted:

I wonÂ’t have a chance to start working on book six until next year.

So, any bets over/under on this decade century?

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A GLISTENING HODOR
Aug 8, 2009

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Proposed 2014 release date. Arrested for pedorape in 2012. Dies in prison 2013.

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Aurubin
Mar 17, 2011


I wonder what his motivation for making such comically evil villians like the Boltons was? He's always about sympathetic portrayals and such, and here he presents Sauron level baddies. I think the Boltons will eventually get their comeuppance in the future. Maybe it's an aesop on how you can't just do things for the evulz and expect to rule effectively.

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Ray_
Sep 15, 2005

It was like the Colosseum in Rome and we were the Christians." - Bobby Dodd, on playing at LSU's Tiger Stadium


Aurubin posted:

I wonder what his motivation for making such comically evil villians like the Boltons was? He's always about sympathetic portrayals and such, and here he presents Sauron level baddies. I think the Boltons will eventually get their comeuppance in the future. Maybe it's an aesop on how you can't just do things for the evulz and expect to rule effectively.

Well, sociopaths peeping tom porn movies do exist in real life. They're a lot like Cersei in that regard - though in the Bolton's case I think it's supposed to be a family trait, vs it being an acquired illness for Cersei.

Roose and Ramsay are also very different. Both sociopaths, but Roose is cold where Ramsay is hot. Roose is intelligent and calculating where Ramsay is neither despite a certain amount o low cunning.
Roose is sort o disgusted by Ramsay, too. Not by his actions, but by how dumb he can be. Example:

Roose talking to Theon posted:

"I know." Lord Bolton signed. "His blood is bad. He needs to be leeched. The leeches suck away the bad blood, all the rage and pain. No man can think so ull of anger. Ramsay, though...his tainted blood would poison even leeches, I fear."

Then there's this, a great example of how Roose thinks:

Roose talking to Theon again posted:

(Theon) "My lord has a new wife to give him sons."
(Roose)"And won't my bastard love that? Lady Walda is a Frey, and she has a fertile feel to her. I have become oddly fond of my fat little wife. The two before her never made a sound in bed, but this one squeals and shudders. I find that quite endearing. If she pops out sons the way she pops in tarts, the Dreadfort will soon be overrun with Boltons. Ramsay will kill them all, of course. That's for the best. I will not live long enough to see new sons to manhood, and boy lords are the bane of any House. Walda will grieve to see them die, though.


By the way, Ramsay's hunting bitches are called "Ramsay's girls." They're all named after women he's hunted, raped, and killed - but only the ones that gave him good sport. The ones that didn't run and just begged and sobbed for their lives instead of trying to get away, they don't get to be reborn as one of his hounds. They also don't get the mercy of a quick murder/surprise sex combo, they're usually flayed and tortured and poo poo for a while before being allowed to die.
Nice guy, this Ramsay.

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PeterWeller
Apr 20, 2003

I told you that story so I could tell you this one.


Aurubin posted:

I wonder what his motivation for making such comically evil villians like the Boltons was? He's always about sympathetic portrayals and such, and here he presents Sauron level baddies. I think the Boltons will eventually get their comeuppance in the future. Maybe it's an aesop on how you can't just do things for the evulz and expect to rule effectively.

In the grand scheme of things, the Boltons are a minor player, and it's not the first time he's written downright terrible villains. The Boltons don't seem anymore crazy than the Bloody Mummers. And in their way, characters like these help make the more important villains more sympathetic. Sure the Lannisters are shits, but the Boltons are real shits.

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A Typical Goon
Feb 25, 2011

I'm not fat I'm big buffed


I don't think you can really say the Boltons are Sauron level evil. The key trait of Sauron was that he was doing what he was doing with no ultimate plan, that's what are saying when they talk about Sauron the villian.

Boltons are not like that all, they do have a ultimate goal in mind. They want to be northkings and true, they do do crazy poo poo to get it done, but psychopaths do exist in real life. They are really not all that unrealistic.

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PeterWeller
Apr 20, 2003

I told you that story so I could tell you this one.


Well, that's not entirely true. Sauron did have a plan: rule over a totally evil world. But it's a shallow plan based on circular logic: why does Sauron want to rule the world? Because he is evil. Why is he evil? Because he wants to rule the world. But Sauron is also a supernatural being who is an embodiment of pure evil, so his shallowness is somewhat forgivable.

And I'm not sure their ambitions make a natural motivation for just how evil the Boltons are. The kinds of evil pure ambition leads to are Tywin or Cersei kinds of evil. Cutting a dude's wingwang off and forcing him to go down on the teenager you're about to surprise sex has nothing to do with territorial or political ambitions; it's just being a sadistic douche. But ultimately, the Boltons are such minor players that their one dimensional nature can be forgiven, for they only exist to make other douches look less douchey.

E: More specifically, it seems like the Boltons exist to subvert your feelings regarding Theon. Theon is an rear end in a top hat who deserves to get his poo poo kicked in for loving over the Starks, but the treatment he receives is just horrific. So while you want him to get his comeuppance, you don't want him to get hindi porn movies online that. At the same time, his suffering makes him more sympathetic, so you begin to forgive his earlier shittiness like you forgave Jamie's. Theon is actually a pretty good parallel of Jamie in that regard; they both had to lose (what was in their minds) their most important "extremity" on their path to redemption.

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Thoguh
Nov 8, 2002


6 (six)


I'd characterize the Boltons more as "loving insanely evil people who happen to also want to be Kings of the North" than "Evil people who do poo poo in order to become King of the north." The King stuff is totally secondary to their chaotic evil nature.

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Aurubin
Mar 17, 2011


To clarify, I didn't mean the Boltons were a world-shakingly evil force bent on domination, I just meant they were evil without any real reason.

To wit: "Lex Luthor took 40 cakes. And that's terrible."

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whowhatwhere
Mar 15, 2010


Roose Bolton flayed forty people. And that's terrible.

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damn girl!
Oct 22, 2008

I am not a cub scout seduced by Iron Maiden's mirror worlds

It also makes the book more interesting in that the Boltons are operating for a long time under the aegis of Robb Stark, so first through Arya and then Brienne you're seeing how terrible the war is for everyone, and how Robb's side is inflicting just as much (well maybe slightly less) turmoil on the world.

I'm reading the books for a second time, and I know everyone complains about AFfC being a pointless travelogue, and I think a lot of that has to do with large parts of ASoS doing the same thing really well. All the Arya and Brienne / Jaime chapters are interesting because the travel serves the purpose of actually getting the characters to places for the plot, but also introducing a ton of people through their interaction with the POV characters in an organic way. I'm halfway through ASoS now and it's still a compelling read.

Hopefully AFfC will be better the second time since I'm more likely to look for stuff I know is going to be more important (Dorne stuff / Cersei stuff) but there were a lot of plot-lines that I don't think accomplished anything more than moving someone from point A to point B in 900 pages. Do the Sam chapters actually accomplish anything?

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Contra Calculus
Nov 6, 2009



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PeterWeller posted:

In the grand scheme of things, the Boltons are a minor player, and it's not the first time he's written downright terrible villains. The Boltons don't seem anymore crazy than the Bloody Mummers. And in their way, characters like these help make the more important villains more sympathetic. Sure the Lannisters are shits, but the Boltons are real shits.

I don't think the Boltons are "terrible villains," as you say. They're just completely unsympathetic. I actually think they are quite interesting in the same way that Gregor Clegane was interesting but was totally unsympathetic. I just think it's funny at how many steps Gurm has taken to point out that yes, these guys are completely loving evil.

(PS: Tony, get on the IRC one of these days. I have something for you. I wouldn't normally ask like this, but I've got no other way to contact you dammit)

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Reverse Jesus
Dec 24, 2004
Come on Cranky! Take it to the fridge!


Amazon just changed the ADWD release date from July 16 to 'July 16 - July 19'.

It begins.

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