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Heners_UK
Jun 1, 2002


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In the one formula feeding group my wife joined on Facebook, she takes pleasure in pointing out American mothers who get murdered on shipping costs for Hipp. She also notes their admins are pretty trigger happy when it comes to bans and locking threads.

Yikes, run the other way if people are saying "Hipp is worth any money and if you're not spending the most you hate your own child, we will not be disagreed with". When I said CAD$22 above, I included shipping. I do like Hipp and recommend it, but evidently I have to add sex on hidden cam within reason these days.

EDIT: Good on your wife for mocking them!

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Feb 7, 2004



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Breastfeeding/pumping/formula stuff

I would really encourage mom to breastfeed as much as possible during baby’s first month if he nurses effectively and mom is happy. This is the time window when her milk supply regulates to baby’s needs. It’s much easier to let baby determine the milk supply than try to interpret what baby needs and use a less effective milk-removal method (=pumping) to get it.

It is really common for women to feel like they aren’t producing enough around the one month mark because the breasts are regulating and feeling softer, while baby is starting to act fussier in the evening as part of normal development. Unless mom has an oversupply, it’s totally normal in the breastfeeding relationship to have phases where baby seems hungrier, then baby nurses more and causes mom’s supply to increase. I also co-facilitate a breastfeeding group, and just from my experience with that the pumping output you mentioned sounds great, and ~1oz/hour of pumped milk for a 3 week old is probably on the high side of average. Are the weight gain and wet diaper output good? That’s the most important thing.

Given all that though, you and your wife know yourselves and your son the best and you should do what makes everyone happy. Good luck!

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Also don't be alarmed by cluster feedings (baby will cry for tons of feedings in a row, seemingly impossible to satiate) and definitely do not cave into worried relatives who try to convince you it's not normal and you need to intervene or you're a bad parent

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Leng
May 13, 2006



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I think this is where we struggle. We aren’t feeding on demand-my wife pumps 90% of the time and breast feeds the other 10%.

Like normally our son will go 2.5-3 hours between a 100ml bottle. However today at the 3 hour mark she breast fed, and then about 1.5 hours later he was fussy so we gave him a bottle. She tried 80 mL because who knows how much he really needs? Well he took that whole thing down and then we dealt with spit ups for the next hour. He just took another 100 mL after the last 80 mL bottle and no problems so far.

I think it would be easier if we just focus on one method instead of flip flopping, but breast feeding on demand will leave her more tired I think as she works out his schedule, but she won’t have to deal with pumping which will save some time. However if she only pumps, then she’s dealing with clean up more and also feeding him in addition to pumping.

Don't get me wrong, breastfeeding doesn't get rid of the spit ups until they get older and can burp themselves. We had a fantastic moment around the 4 month mark where she fed on both sides and then spewed everything up in a spectacular wave of milk that went all over the carpet.

There is a learning curve to breastfeeding. While it's also true that not everyone can make breastfeeding work, I was very thankful it worked for us. It was a lot of work to get right, but once we did, we didn't have to worry about that aspect of things so much. It's one less thing to have to remember to pack when you're out and about, no need to worry about sterilising equipment and I found it saved time overall because as baby gets better at latching and feeding, they get more efficient at extracting milk. We are at 18 months now and it takes 2-3x longer to pump than it does for her to actually feed.

You didn't really answer so I'll ask again - what is the main reason for pumping 90% of the time? I thought from post history it was because of baby having trouble latching - is that right? Or is it more because you want to monitor how much milk baby is taking and/or set a schedule? If the latter then:

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In the first month, there is no real schedule, and even after that it’s easier to follow baby’s lead until at least 3 months.

I found breastfeeding on demand less stressful and time consuming, and I just slept when baby slept until things started to become a little more predictable. It will mean more frequent feedings, but less prep and cleaning.

I can't second this enough. Babies gonna do what babies do. In these very early days, they don't understand the concept of a schedule or anything else. Crying is their only way of communicating. All they do is eat, sleep and excrete, then repeat. Some days they are hungrier than others. Try not to give yourselves extra pressure by trying to make everything fit to a particular schedule.

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Feb 25, 2002

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Don't get me wrong, breastfeeding doesn't get rid of the spit ups until they get older and can burp themselves. We had a fantastic moment around the 4 month mark where she fed on both sides and then spewed everything up in a spectacular wave of milk that went all over the carpet.

There is a learning curve to breastfeeding. While it's also true that not everyone can make breastfeeding work, I was very thankful it worked for us. It was a lot of work to get right, but once we did, we didn't have to worry about that aspect of things so much. It's one less thing to have to remember to pack when you're out and about, no need to worry about sterilising equipment and I found it saved time overall because as baby gets better at latching and feeding, they get more efficient at extracting milk. We are at 18 months now and it takes 2-3x longer to pump than it does for her to actually feed.

You didn't really answer so I'll ask again - what is the main reason for pumping 90% of the time? I thought from post history it was because of baby having trouble latching - is that right? Or is it more because you want to monitor how much milk baby is taking and/or set a schedule? If the latter then:


I can't second this enough. Babies gonna do what babies do. In these very early days, they don't understand the concept of a schedule or anything else. Crying is their only way of communicating. All they do is eat, sleep and excrete, then repeat. Some days they are hungrier than others. Try not to give yourselves extra pressure by trying to make everything fit to a particular schedule.

The initial reason for pumping was because of difficulty latching and him only taking a nipple for 5 minutes or so. He was underweight and the doctor said to make sure he was taking 90 ml every three hours, so pumping was the only real way to gauge that.

He’s been gaining weight. Last weigh-in was 6 pounds 4 ounces at 2.5 weeks, so we still need to make sure he’s taking in enough which is why I think we’ve liked the bottle more since it’s easier to quantify. We have another appointment for his one month check up in a week so I’m curious to see how much he’s gained then since we’ve been doing 100-110 each feeding and she said we should be aiming for 120 by the one month mark.

My wife was feeling very let down today. Some family issues came up so that added to the emotional distress but she was ready to move to straight formula. She doesn’t like the idea of straight breast feeding because she wants to make sure he’s gaining weight for the above reasons and she thinks that since she is only producing -80 ml each pump that it isn’t enough to breast feed (yes I know you guys have said that the baby knows how much to eat and breastfeeding may result in more milk than pumping). The doctor has offered some classes in the area and some Lactation consultants, but my wife thinks the classes are too far away and doesn’t feel comfortable taking our son in the car that long (~30 minutes each way) on her own. It’s also in downtown Boston which is just a pain in the rear end when it comes to parking and getting around. I don’t think either of us like the idea of parking and then hauling the kid around in 20 degree weather this week while looking for the breast feeding class.

So all that plus a lack of sleep and then parents giving contradictory advice to what the doctor is saying and you get two stressed out parents trying to do the right thing.

Thanks for all the advice so far everyone-it really has been helpful. I’m going to see if there’s any classes that are maybe closer to us that she could go to.

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sheri
Dec 30, 2002



If your wife wants to go to formula then go to formula.

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Feb 25, 2002

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If your wife wants to go to formula then go to formula.

Completely agreed and I’ve told her since the beginning that I support whatever she wants to do. She ended up pumping again tonight after going through that, so in the morning I’m going to see what direction she wants to end up going with.

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Cocks Cable
Jul 11, 2001



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I’d look into an in-home visit from a IBCLC. That’s going to be a lot more productive than hauling a newborn to a group class.

3 oz bottles are pretty darn big for a newborn if you want to support breastfeeding and three hour schedules are a great way to tank a milk supply. A newborn should breastfeed a *minimum* of 8-12 times per day. 20+ sessions is absolutely within the realm of normal. Their stomachs are tiny. Put your wife to bed with the baby, Netflix, a water bottle, and healthy food and nurse every time the baby twitches (crying is a late hunger sign). Five minutes is a perfectly reasonable session too, btw.

An IBCLC can help with a weigh-feed-weigh. A SNS to help supplement with formula can help if it’s needed. It sounds like you really need to find that in person help from someone really educated in breastfeeding.

Please note this is all only applicable if your wife wants to figure out breastfeeding.

Edit: please feed your newborn when she’s hungry. Scheduled feedings at this age are a major predictor of failure to thrive. There is no need to reinforce a schedule with a six week old. Please don’t make her wait an hour, wow.

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Sweet Gulch
May 8, 2007

That metaphor just went somewhere horrible.

Best of luck to you, whichever you go with. I pumped exclusively with our first (he wouldn't/couldn't latch) and it was a TON of extra work, so I can't blame her if she'd rather not.

On the other end of the spectrum, our daughter is breastfed but refuses a bottle. Any tips for getting her to actually take one? She's three months. We've bought a few different kinds of nipples but none have worked and I'm loath to spend more money. She seems to spit out anything plastic/latex/silicone. I bank some extra milk with a silicone pump & it would be so nice to leave the house for an hour or two and not worry if she's having a hunger meltdown.

Also, our son basically didn't sleep for his first year because of silent reflux, which took ages for us to figure out. I'm so, so glad we recognized the signs early this time around!! She's sleeping better at three months than our son did until, like, eighteen months. I even doubted myself for a bit and (with our doctor's direction) tried to taper her off the meds and ha ha that went terribly and she slept better the instant we put her back on the full dosage.

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Feb 25, 2002

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I’d look into an in-home visit from a IBCLC. That’s going to be a lot more productive than hauling a newborn to a group class.

3 oz bottles are pretty darn big for a newborn if you want to support breastfeeding and three hour schedules are a great way to tank a milk supply. A newborn should breastfeed a *minimum* of 8-12 times per day. 20+ sessions is absolutely within the realm of normal. Their stomachs are tiny. Put your wife to bed with the baby, Netflix, a water bottle, and healthy food and nurse every time the baby twitches (crying is a late hunger sign). Five minutes is a perfectly reasonable session too, btw.

An IBCLC can help with a weigh-feed-weigh. A SNS to help supplement with formula can help if it’s needed. It sounds like you really need to find that in person help from someone really educated in breastfeeding.

Please note this is all only applicable if your wife wants to figure out breastfeeding.

Edit: please feed your newborn when she’s hungry. Scheduled feedings at this age are a major predictor of failure to thrive. There is no need to reinforce a schedule with a six week old. Please don’t make her wait an hour, wow.

Regarding the edit: We don’t make him wait. If it’s been 2 hours and we’ve tried the diaper and rocking and everything else under the sun and it looks like he’s hungry, we try feeding him and that’s usually the culprit.

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femcastra
Apr 25, 2008

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Okay, this might be useful or not, but I log everything obsessively and have done since my baby was born. Here’s the log from when she was around 6 weeks old:

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This is just to show how frequently/for what length of time she nursed. The day after the pattern was completely different. It’s really hard. It didn’t last forever.

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Feb 25, 2002

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New question: probably 10-20% of the time I change a diaper, he ends up peeing in the new one immediately before I can even get his onesie zipped/snapped up. Sometimes I catch it in a washcloth I have over him during the changing.

Any tips/suggestions for getting him to pee while the old diaper is still on him?

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sheri
Dec 30, 2002



It'll just come with time.

You can try undoing the old one, letting the cold air hit his penis for a couple seconds and then covering it with the old diaper until he pees and then finish changing.

Newborns + cold air on penis usually equals reflexive pee. It'll get less frequent as he gets bigger.

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Heners_UK
Jun 1, 2002


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So all that plus a lack of sleep and then parents giving contradictory advice to what the doctor is saying and you get two stressed out parents trying to do the right thing.

On the subject of contradictory advice, this is a post I wanted to make more broadly about my experience of this. Frankly, SA has spoiled me in terms of careful rational debate that is friendly to counterpoints while quick to stamp down "I saw this on Pinterest so it must be true".

With regard to parents, bloggers, Facebook Group posters etc giving contradictory and often sanctimonious advice: Unfortunately this is the lovely minefield we all have to navigate precisely at the time we don't want to. You can see a post from me above concerned about Post Partum Anxiety in my other half that I believe was a product of the bombardment of "do this for your baby, love, Pinterest/Mummy Blogger etc". Even lindsay loham sex tape gives only one authoritative-looking (I emphasize looking) result on the first page. Unfortunately as well, this post is free redtube porn movies not stumbling towards a nice clean "here is precisely and repeatably how to tell good up to date advice from made up worry inducing poo poo".

The best, imperfect, approach to this I've developed is:
  1. Select a few actual health authorities that put the effort in, even if they are not your own. I personally go for adults only free porn, college teen getting fucked and best sex ever lesbian as three sources. There are others. The important thing here is that they are actual public services with a levelheaded approach. Consult these resources when you need a large, research backed organisation to assist.
  2. When reading Google results, try to get a barometer on what the "I repeat advice I hear on a blog without really trying it" sites are saying. This isn't necessarily saying you should do the opposite of what is said, merely use this information to tell an advice-repeater aside from someone who actually used it and is trying to advise. The next point also applies here...
  3. When looking at research papers or scholarly articles (or random websites), homemade sex toy male look common-sense and a shrewd examining eye will prevail here. None of us have time to become academic researchers on every topic and to weed out any and all outdated ones and absolutely fool-proof yourself against author bias. Within the bounds of reasonable expectations, generally I'll believe def jam artist nude vs. female condom sex video which appears to juxtapose the effects of a large amount pure liquid formaldehyde exposure with what may be found at 3d sex villa passwords levels in floor mats.
  4. We now come to forum posts and facebook groups. Generally I like to have the above points worked out first so you can pick out the advice that the poster has used and found successful vs. people who've not used it but are laying out their incidental research school boy sex video as what it is vs. "I know nothing about this, but won't admit it while repeating it". Again, it's about knowing and identifying this stuff rather than discounting it simply because someone repeated it. However, I'll give a clear cut example, the Facebook groups for car seats near us were a frenzy of "if your car seat is checked in as luggage on the plane, you must assume it's been in an accident, thrown unprotected clear across the concrete from height and and it can never protect your baby. You're committing premeditated murder if you use it". This was a hard one as level headed folks tended not to go out and post solutions, perhaps you'd see "use the exact original box for the car seat, you kept that right?". With luck (mainly the luck was for me rather than my other half), we happened to meet a l word sex scence (i.e. trains car seat techs) who immediately and calmly said "in claire danes nude video free romantic soft porn afree online games porn, and they are fine on planes, how do you think they get to you in the first place?".
  5. In regards to in person advice: Well here you need to get a good barometer on a person. I usually note the advice and discuss it a bit, but add it ot my research pile. Call me naive but generally people in person are more careful to lay out their experience and it's limits rather than preach to your face (true sex stories teacher oh good grief, please do not think that I'm saying it doesn't happen at all, it does... but generally we can spot it). By no means to you have to act upon everything you hear, even if you hear it in person. However, another parent seeing you in person and discussing whats going on can produce useful shared experience stories etc.
  6. For advice that makes it through all of this, remember there are multiple approaches and you can take more than one bit of advice. If you end up with 5 ways to solve a problem, try them one after another until some work. Others may work later on. The point is you're building up an array of things to use. I found this especially helpful in her early life.
  7. Frankly, remember poo poo sounds way more exaggerated in writing than in reality. For example, you will want to avoid taking your baby near tobacco smoke and maintain a smoke free home, but the slightest wif of it walking down the street in lots of fresh air for a brief second is not a rational reason to be concerned.*

*But I do get it, we've all had a concerned reaction anyway. I get it. If this becomes bothersome to you then look at CBT.

As I said, and as I think people who read my earlier post will see, this isn't a perfect approach that defeats baby worry/guilt. I'd love it if we could come up with one rational way to get to the single correct current answer...

EDIT: Those are real examples whereever I could give them

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The initial reason for pumping was because of difficulty latching and him only taking a nipple for 5 minutes or so. He was underweight and the doctor said to make sure he was taking 90 ml every three hours, so pumping was the only real way to gauge that.

He’s been gaining weight. Last weigh-in was 6 pounds 4 ounces at 2.5 weeks, so we still need to make sure he’s taking in enough which is why I think we’ve liked the bottle more since it’s easier to quantify. We have another appointment for his one month check up in a week so I’m curious to see how much he’s gained then since we’ve been doing 100-110 each feeding and she said we should be aiming for 120 by the one month mark.

My wife was feeling very let down today. Some family issues came up so that added to the emotional distress but she was ready to move to straight formula. She doesn’t like the idea of straight breast feeding because she wants to make sure he’s gaining weight for the above reasons and she thinks that since she is only producing -80 ml each pump that it isn’t enough to breast feed (yes I know you guys have said that the baby knows how much to eat and breastfeeding may result in more milk than pumping). The doctor has offered some classes in the area and some Lactation consultants, but my wife thinks the classes are too far away and doesn’t feel comfortable taking our son in the car that long (~30 minutes each way) on her own. It’s also in downtown Boston which is just a pain in the rear end when it comes to parking and getting around. I don’t think either of us like the idea of parking and then hauling the kid around in 20 degree weather this week while looking for the breast feeding class.

So all that plus a lack of sleep and then parents giving contradictory advice to what the doctor is saying and you get two stressed out parents trying to do the right thing.

Thanks for all the advice so far everyone-it really has been helpful. I’m going to see if there’s any classes that are maybe closer to us that she could go to.

For what it's worth, we (my wife) had some issues with latching and breast feeding right at the start and they did the whole dance about gaining weight blah blah, and it did eventually work itself out. Sometimes the initial stretch is just rough and I think there's extra pressure to make sure everything is done right! even when there are multiple ways it can all work out. The first few months are tough for sure but hopefully you guys will settle down into a comfortable rhythm for everyone regardless of how the kid is getting food etc. You're doing fine and your kid will be fine.

It's maybe self evident advice but if you find family etc giving you advice is stressful just straight up tell them so and ask them to stop. I know, "just tell them", but I guess I'm trying to add support to the idea that whatever you find works for yourself doesn't have to be the same as what everyone else might tell you

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Leng
May 13, 2006



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On the other end of the spectrum, our daughter is breastfed but refuses a bottle. Any tips for getting her to actually take one? She's three months. We've bought a few different kinds of nipples but none have worked and I'm loath to spend more money. She seems to spit out anything plastic/latex/silicone. I bank some extra milk with a silicone pump & it would be so nice to leave the house for an hour or two and not worry if she's having a hunger meltdown.

This was us. She never did end up taking a bottle, we just cup fed and then as a result completely skipped the sippy cup stage. YouTube "cup feeding" for some tutorials. The first couple of sessions are rough but they figure it out really quick.

On sleep: my eighteen month old spent all of last night just climbing all over me and would not sleep. She eventually passed out around 6 AM when I got up to go to work. As far as I know, she's been up all day and then refused to go down for her afternoon nap. I spent 60 mins wrangling a screaming bundle of anger before I had had enough and passed her to the grandparents. I think she's finally asleep now. Someone please just tell me that this too shall pass.

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3 oz bottles are pretty darn big for a newborn if you want to support breastfeeding and three hour schedules are a great way to tank a milk supply. A newborn should breastfeed a *minimum* of 8-12 times per day. 20+ sessions is absolutely within the realm of normal. Their stomachs are tiny. Put your wife to bed with the baby, Netflix, a water bottle, and healthy food and nurse every time the baby twitches (crying is a late hunger sign). Five minutes is a perfectly reasonable session too, btw.

Please note this is all only applicable if your wife wants to figure out breastfeeding.

Seconding this. The early feedings can be really really close together when you are breastfeeding. A nursing vacation (where she just does nothing else except lie in bed and feed the baby) is helpful to build up supply.

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Regarding the edit: We don’t make him wait. If it’s been 2 hours and we’ve tried the diaper and rocking and everything else under the sun and it looks like he’s hungry, we try feeding him and that’s usually the culprit.

But yeah, at the end of the day, you need to do whatever you need to do to make things work. I do suggest you think about trying boob/milk and diaper first before you try anything else because they are pretty quick to check. If it's not boob/milk and it's not diaper, then it's usually sleep.

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femcastra
Apr 25, 2008

If you want him,
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Yeah in the early days I always tried boob first because it was much easier to whip it out than get her to sleep, and nursing helped keep the supply up even if she didn’t need a big feed.

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life is killing me
Oct 28, 2007



I mean, last night our six month-old woke up at midnight and it took us an hour to get him back to sleep--one of the worst nights in remembrance when it comes to getting him BACK to sleep. Last night I found myself longing not just for the newborn days but also the thought crept in that I'd even take the early days of sleep regression as he sometimes violently refused rocking and kept bobbing his head back up and scratching his face seemingly just to keep himself awake for some unknown reason. Kids fighting sleep is nothing new, and it especially isn't for our boy--it'll be in the middle of the night, or super early morning, when he's sitting there rubbing his eyes and we've tried everything in the book and he's been comfort nursing for the past twenty minutes to the point he's biting Mom's nipple. We know he's tired, we know he needs sleep, and yet it feels like he's waking up and refusing to go back to sleep for the sole purpose of making us miserable to see how much we can take before we say, "gently caress IT" and leave him in the rocker.

All that is to say, I'm sure we're all told, "Aww, poor little guy, it does get better!" by the very parents who admit they never had to go through this poo poo in the first place because their child was an anomaly who was sleeping through the night from two weeks old. It is actually much more reassuring when other parents (like some last night at a Friendsgiving deal) tell us that their kids didn't sleep for poo poo until they were at least a year old. It probably does EVENTUALLY get better, but no one can tell you exactly when because every kid is different. It would be easy as gently caress if your kid didn't go to sleep but was happy, but it's usually "my kid is pissed off and screaming to the point of choking for three hours straight because she's so tired but I think I saw her give me the bird when I tried to rock her to sleep..."

In the end the only consolation, the only light at the end of the tunnel, is knowing that somewhere, probably in your own neighborhood at that exact same time, another parent is muttering to themselves, "My kid is an rear end in a top hat, when in the history of gently caress has it benefited anyone to not go to sleep for no reason" as they rock their kid and sustain scratches and hair pulls and wish upon a star that it was okay to rub her gums with Jack. Then, when the sun comes up, it's back to inexplicably playful, happy, smiley kiddo who looks at you from her bouncer like you're the best person ever. Wash, rinse, repeat.

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sheri
Dec 30, 2002



My kid didn't sleep for poo poo for years.
It sucked.

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Sweet Gulch
May 8, 2007

That metaphor just went somewhere horrible.

Our first kid was a nightmare for sleeping and, even now at four years old, he wakes up once a night like clockwork. The inlaws took him for half a week at eight months old and were so traumatized that he didn't have a sleepover with them again for three years. He didn't sleep through the night until eighteen months. Sleep training didn't work, he'd just get more and more worked up until he puked. It sucked and we scared all our pregnant friends (who then all had great sleepers, of course). We tried a baby sleep class offered by the province, but it was really more of a one-session support group for exhausted parents because there was nothing that anyone hadn't already tried. Our in-laws in particular didn't take us seriously until they dealt with it first-hand (just put him down when he's dozing! Let him cry! etc, etc) It was maddening and isolating.

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This was us. She never did end up taking a bottle, we just cup fed and then as a result completely skipped the sippy cup stage. YouTube "cup feeding" for some tutorials. The first couple of sessions are rough but they figure it out really quick.
Thanks, I'll check this out! I hadn't even considered it.

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Ben Nevis
Jan 20, 2011


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I mean, last night our six month-old woke up at midnight and it took us an hour to get him back to sleep--one of the worst nights in remembrance when it comes to getting him BACK to sleep. Last night I found myself longing not just for the newborn days but also the thought crept in that I'd even take the early days of sleep regression as he sometimes violently refused rocking and kept bobbing his head back up and scratching his face seemingly just to keep himself awake for some unknown reason. Kids fighting sleep is nothing new, and it especially isn't for our boy--it'll be in the middle of the night, or super early morning, when he's sitting there rubbing his eyes and we've tried everything in the book and he's been comfort nursing for the past twenty minutes to the point he's biting Mom's nipple. We know he's tired, we know he needs sleep, and yet it feels like he's waking up and refusing to go back to sleep for the sole purpose of making us miserable to see how much we can take before we say, "gently caress IT" and leave him in the rocker

This was me last month. Wife was out of town for about 7 days nights in a 2 week span. 4 of them he woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep for 90 minutes. Wouldn't take a bottle, didn't want to be comforted, nothing. Just a contrarian 14 month old. Of course, when she was back, he was down to sleeping through the night. Of course, two molars and a stomach bug later and we're now back to a toddler who demands middle of the night comforting because he got used to it after molars and a stomach bug. Little dude, we'll all be happier if you just sleep through the night! That's you too!

I'm not saying that's why he had to wear a ridiculous halloween costume. All I'm saying is that dads have ways of getting even.

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Oct 28, 2007



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Our first kid was a nightmare for sleeping and, even now at four years old, he wakes up once a night like clockwork. The inlaws took him for half a week at eight months old and were so traumatized that he didn't have a sleepover with them again for three years. He didn't sleep through the night until eighteen months. Sleep training didn't work, he'd just get more and more worked up until he puked. It sucked and we scared all our pregnant friends (who then all had great sleepers, of course). We tried a baby sleep class offered by the province, but it was really more of a one-session support group for exhausted parents because there was nothing that anyone hadn't already tried. Our in-laws in particular didn't take us seriously until they dealt with it first-hand (just put him down when he's dozing! Let him cry! etc, etc) It was maddening and isolating.

Yeah...for my mother-in-law, the first time he stayed there overnight he slept like a baby (lol) and only woke up once before she went to bed after being asleep an hour, which is typical of him now whereas we used to have to wake him up when we went to bed so he could feed. Hell, when he woke up he stayed up with her until 10:30 when he would be climbing up the walls with exhaustion at home with us. She will still take him, and honestly he seems to enjoy being there more than home because he behaves a lot better and has fewer meltdowns. I've often wondered if this was because he knows at home that Mom is around and is pissed he can't just lie there with his mouth on her boob. It's certainly the reason he won't take a bottle if she's around. Sleep training hasn't worked for him and he just gets more and more angry and doesn't respond to it. He also doesn't care a lick for being put down when drowsy--in fact, we will have him in a dead, paci-drops-out-of-mouth sleep and he will wake up loving immediately when he senses he is being lowered down to his crib. Putting him down when just drowsy only means he is more awake to be more pissed. My parents are the same way--the other night at my dad's house we asked if they'd take him while we were in Atlanta for two nights next month (a big first because they've never had him overnight or even more than a couple hours at night) and I started to try and prepare them for his sleep difficulties. It made my wife really nervous when my dad said, "Sometimes you just gotta let him cry it out." No, that doesn't loving work, DAD. He just gets more and more angry until it's nearly impossible to console him in under two hours. Then my dad was like, "Do you WANT us to change our minds?" after I told him it might not be as easy a night as he was envisioning. To my dad's credit, he has NO experience with babies other than with me 34 years ago (which translates to zero experience at all since I'm pretty sure my mom did all the work), and he's been almost giddy to wade into this and be a part of our son's life and help when we need it. It's just that for our part, we've been struggling to feel comfortable with either of my parents (divorced since I was 12 and I'm an only child) caretaking for more than a couple hours without us around--we're having to teach them how to be parents all over again and it's kinda surreal. Any time they've done it, our date night has been literally five minutes away so we could be close for the inevitable text message, "He's crying and won't calm down what do we do?!" My mother-in-law is a widow and recently retired but has two other grandbabies and we are trying to be cognizant of her time and willingness to watch him (she asks a lot, but we try to keep asking HER to a minimum), which is hard when my parents are basically back to square one and haven't had to take care of a baby in 34 years. On top of that, the last time they took care of Baby life is killing me, things were a lot different and there were different ideas in prevalence. It's depressing to think about sometimes, and is definitely isolating when I realize there is only one grandparent in our son's life who is truly competent at this time to take care of the kiddo for more than a couple hours. Asking either of MY parents to do overnighting at their place or ours is a huge leap of faith but starting to become more necessary despite their sometimes dated ideas on baby caretaking. We're just lucky, I guess, that we are all in the same metroplex where both my wife and I grew up.


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This was me last month. Wife was out of town for about 7 days nights in a 2 week span. 4 of them he woke up and wouldn't go back to sleep for 90 minutes. Wouldn't take a bottle, didn't want to be comforted, nothing. Just a contrarian 14 month old. Of course, when she was back, he was down to sleeping through the night. Of course, two molars and a stomach bug later and we're now back to a toddler who demands middle of the night comforting because he got used to it after molars and a stomach bug. Little dude, we'll all be happier if you just sleep through the night! That's you too!

My wife was out of town two weekends in a row and I was super psyched to get some Daddy/Son time while she was gone, until he was super cranky both times and wouldn't play or sleep--not the he sleeps any better when Mom is home. The second weekend I was a little late getting him from daycare because I was coming back from a photoshoot that was putting a lot of pressure on me, and was already stressed about getting some vegetables or oatmeal in him before he got too pissed. By around 5 when I got him home, he was bat-poo poo pissed with hunger so pureed veggies and oatmeal were out of the question and he woke up multiple times in the night even before I went to bed. Super contrary kid. I just wanted to have food in his belly that would keep him more full throughout the night so he would maybe wake up hungry fewer times, and boy did I miss the mark. That was the night before my MIL took him overnight and he slept like a dream for her, because of course he did.




What doesn't help at all is that during the last month and a half, he had a cold first for a week and a half, and couldn't go to daycare because he needed constant snot sucking and was throwing up most of his food, and was super cranky while at home and we were trying to work and had no loving help--we couldn't put him down and he'd be trying to grab everything on our desks and fussing the whole time. We got a solid three days of daycare into him, and then he got RSV and we repeated the week without daycare. It was so stressful without help and without sleep that we fought every single day and in the middle of the night because we had a total, between us, of twenty hours of sleep for five days and both of us were under immense pressure from our respective jobs. My mom did come twice that last week to help during the day, but to hear him screaming and fussing all day because he didn't feel good made me feel like my mom would never come over again and like we still needed to check in every thirty minutes.

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femcastra
Apr 25, 2008

If you want him,
come and knit him!


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porn for women pictures poo poo is hard and unpredictable and it’s hard to rely on family

I identify with a fair bit of this post, particularly the not being comfortable relying on family. We haven’t had a night out together yet, and our baby is nearly 9 months old. We’ve got no family nearby and don’t really know anyone that we can lean on.

We are going to have our first date night ever on the 5th, going to a concert. Parents in law are going to be home and won’t need to do much because we’ll do all the bedtime stuff before we leave. Fingers crossed she doesn’t do one of her wake every hour routines.

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Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

THIRTEEN!

My husband's parents are 4 hours away, but chronic alcoholics. My parents are 12 hours away and my mom honestly believes every conspiracy theory alive.

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His Divine Shadow
Aug 7, 2000

I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do.


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My husband's parents are 4 hours away, but chronic alcoholics. My parents are 12 hours away and my mom honestly believes every conspiracy theory alive.

I have similar issues with my mom nowadays. It's like she's gotten a lot worse over the years. She can't shut up about stuff like bio resonance and the local charlatan fraudster who offers the service. Also silver water, she was even a vaccine skeptic for a while though I think I got her to admit defeat on that.

It's just become such a chore to have to deal with all this alternative retardation, and she gets so offended and upset when I talk back (though I mostly try to just keep silent, but sometimes I break) and call me divorced from reality when I said allergies to wifi, 4G and 5G were totally fake pseudoscience. I dunno, I thought she was a smart woman, speaks like 4-5 languages and all that stuff, but she believes this insipid crap and has gotten very bullying I think as of late, or maybe she has always been like this and I just did not notice.

I wonder if it's just age, or if it's some kind of cancer trauma, she's had breast cancer twice and modern medical science saved her life but she had bad experiences with doctors and felt she had to fight them all the time. It feels like she's in a war with modern medical science and doctors are the enemy now. She never used to bother with this alternative crap before she got sick, not even after really, it's gotten worse the last 5 years.

It's gotten to the point I am avoiding meeting my parents. Always got on with them well before but lately it seems a lot less good a relationship, still remember the fight that erupted over the fact that we didn't lock our doors when going to sleep. We live in the countryside so far out we gotta worry more about wolves than people and this is perhaps the safest place in the whole world to live anyway, I really don't think it's a big deal. But she really went all in, saying she'll call the bank and have our loan taken in because she had signed it as a safety and she wasn't gonna put up with this. She kept going until basically the evening was ruined, and she never apologized, never thought it was her fault.

She likes to lord stuff like that over you as well, if she helps you she'll remind you of it later. And my parents did help a lot with our house building but it still sucks when they keep it over your head. One time I got so angry I tried to write them a check, told them to give me their bank account number so I could send them a few thousand euros I got saved up and they would have been paid for the work they did. But I never got the number. They do offer to help a lot, like my dad came and took my car from work and put on the winter tires for me while i worked because I would not have had time otherwise to pick the kids up from day care. But nowadays I always think of when it will be used against me later on...

Not so much to write about my kids here, mostly going the other direction, my kids are great.

My dad in all this is pretty neutral, I get the impression he agrees with my moms views sometimes, but he never talks about any of this stuff. I am not sure if he believes it or if he just goes along with it just to keep things calm.

som rocket sex machine sex villa 2 account His Divine Shadow fucked around with this message at Nov 21, 2018 around 13:27

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