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Nobnob
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So I smoke a lot of weed. Anytime I am high I have amazing sex, I am more in tune with my body, my stamina increases, and I am just overall more "in" to everything about it, making it a pretty great time for me and whomever I am with. I have been finding it out the hard way that if I don't get stoned before sex, I become quickshot mcsplot. This is terrible as for someone who has been sexually active for some years now, I am not really used to premature ejaculation and it has just been loving with my head. Does anyone have any tips for this? Foreplay and everything is great but the second there is penetration, it's over. It's crazy embarrassing and makes me all neurotic and poo poo. Is my body just so used to having sex while stoned that having sex sober has become some sort of anomaly for it? I really wasn't expecting it to be this bad.

You should start to train a lot. Try to get sober in general for some time and try it by yourself. In my experience it is helpful to masturbate a lot and try to hold it in as long as possible. Test what you have to do to stop it from being so nervous. I don't think getting stoned every time you want to have sex is a real solution for the future so you'll have to train, tell your partner actually (assuming it is only one partner at least) and maybe smoke a bit less for some time to get a new feeling of the things.

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regularly smoking has had the opposite effect for me. I last ages while high, and that is now bleeding into not-high stamina.

Probably because stoned sex > not stoned sex.

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May 22, 2002

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I've been on the SSRI for over a year. But the fact that I do have somewhat of a sex drive means it can come back, right?

Yes, potentially. Unfortunately it's a very normal effect of SSRIs though, and many people have to try changing doses or switching between different medicines to find one that has the best balance of effects v. side-effects. It's clearly affecting your life, so be sure to talk to your doctor about it.

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Mathematics
Jun 22, 2011


This is really stupid but I can't figure out how to do the cowgirl position.

Normally he's lying on the bed and wants me to get on top of him. OK.

I just can't figure out the angle. He has one of those dicks that sticks straight up. My vagina goes back towards my tailbone (like they all do).
When I put it in, it either doesn't go in all the way, or he says I'm bending his dick. I tried looking this up online but apparently I'm the only one with this problem.

The thing is, the way he acts, his previous partners have never had a problem with it. "Just put it in," he helpfully advised.

So yeah, any advice? I basically just can't get the angle right. It works best when he's not rock hard so his dick isn't as parallel to his stomach.

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Reverse cowgirl? Dicks don't like bending downwards, but do bend upwards.

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The thing is, the way he acts, his previous partners have never had a problem with it. "Just put it in," he helpfully advised.

Hahahah, that's pretty funny. "Oh thanks why didn't I think of that? I'm a girl so I obviously have no idea how dicks work!"

quote:

So yeah, any advice? I basically just can't get the angle right. It works best when he's not rock hard so his dick isn't as parallel to his stomach.

I might try a couple of variations on the cowgirl to see if you can find one that works better for the pair of you. Some experimenting with similar positions might make it easier to figure out the cowgirl.

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Mathematics
Jun 22, 2011


I am actually trying regular cowgirl. I'm not sure why he says he doesn't like bending it that way, but every time I try to put it in a way that I think is sensible, he says it's uncomfortable.

I get a bit stressed out/don't want him to lose his boner and just prompt him to switch to doggy or something.

I guess that speaks to a communication problem, but yeah, it is hard to troubleshoot in the middle of things, I guess.

Reverse cowgirl kind of scares me with the whole "could damage his cock" part. I dunno.

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I am actually trying regular cowgirl. I'm not sure why he says he doesn't like bending it that way, but every time I try to put it in a way that I think is sensible, he says it's uncomfortable.

I get a bit stressed out/don't want him to lose his boner and just prompt him to switch to doggy or something.

I guess that speaks to a communication problem, but yeah, it is hard to troubleshoot in the middle of things, I guess.

Reverse cowgirl kind of scares me with the whole "could damage his cock" part. I dunno.

How about reverse missionary? It'll have the same angles as missionary but have you on top. Or there's several other straight-forward positions with the girl on top. Really the idea is to get you up there having successful sex, and that will give both of you the confidence and experience needed to figure out cowgirl. Alternatively, maybe put yourself on top but have him help by thrusting up into you? It'll be a little tiresome for him, but that way he's controlling the angle and you don't have to worry about hurting him. And once you two have a good rhythm going you should be able to take over.

Communication is tricky, but I'm sure that he'll be receptive if you start talking about wanting to do some "advanced sex ed" - particularly if you start talking about it a little ahead of time so that he can get on board with the idea. If that doesn't seem to work, maybe sweeten the pot with a mira sorvino nude pictures kama sutra book or a tasteful couple's porn night featuring the position you want.

edit: And if none of that really seems to work for you, my best suggestion would be to sit forward a bit and focus on gently rocking your hips forward and around rather than pumping up and down. There's more to cowgirl than that, but that's basically just grinding so it's easy to do and it's pretty unlikely to hurt anybody with.

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Yes, potentially. Unfortunately it's a very normal effect of SSRIs though, and many people have to try changing doses or switching between different medicines to find one that has the best balance of effects v. side-effects. It's clearly affecting your life, so be sure to talk to your doctor about it.

I have talked to my doctor about it and it's a wait and see game at the moment. It also could depression, stress or nervousness. My dosage has increased, so we're waiting to see if it's depression related. I'm learning how to try and get it back in the meantime.

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I have talked to my doctor about it and it's a wait and see game at the moment. It also could depression, stress or nervousness. My dosage has increased, so we're waiting to see if it's depression related. I'm learning how to try and get it back in the meantime.

I had a girlfriend who went through the exact same issue. It sucked but it was eventually resolved in time. I'm sure that you'll be able to figure it out too. In the meantime, remember that moderate exercise and getting outside in the sun are great ways of simultaneously combating depression and improving your libido. You mentioned earlier that you have a physical disability and have to sit for 12 hours a day - maybe do some of that sitting in a garden or a greenhouse reading free free sex pics 50 Shades of Grey.

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I am actually trying regular cowgirl. I'm not sure why he says he doesn't like bending it that way, but every time I try to put it in a way that I think is sensible, he says it's uncomfortable.

I get a bit stressed out/don't want him to lose his boner and just prompt him to switch to doggy or something.

I guess that speaks to a communication problem, but yeah, it is hard to troubleshoot in the middle of things, I guess.

Reverse cowgirl kind of scares me with the whole "could damage his cock" part. I dunno.
The image of cowgirl is with your two bodies at 90 degrees, but it also works fine (just less bouncy) when you're at 45 degrees or 20 degrees or whatever. After a little while of that, it might be easier to switch to straight up-and-down. Another option that lets you be perpendicular, although this is more foreplay -- make sure you're super wet or use lube, let his boner go up along his stomach, and grind back and forth on it.

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Techno Remix
Feb 13, 2012



I'm kind of embarrassed to be asking this but even though the last thread went down in flames, there were a lot of goons giving good advice. Here goes.

My wife and I have discussed the possibility of having a threesome or swinging (not like an open relationship or all the time thing, just maybe a one-off here or there). We're both cool with the concept and all that entails. What we're kind of stuck on is how to find good partners/couples that won't murder us in a sex dungeon. We're pretty much put off on the idea of inviting any of our friends because there's too much potential for awkward and I refuse to go to Craigslist, the Walmart of the internet.

For those who have been involved in those things before, how did you go about finding suitable partners/couples? We're at that stage where we're like, "we want to, but what now?"

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It's always been friends with my wife and I, which hasn't even ended up weird for anybody, though I understand that's pretty rare. I guess we've got the right friend group that can handle non-monogamous relationships.

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I am actually trying regular cowgirl. I'm not sure why he says he doesn't like bending it that way, but every time I try to put it in a way that I think is sensible, he says it's uncomfortable.

I get a bit stressed out/don't want him to lose his boner and just prompt him to switch to doggy or something.

I guess that speaks to a communication problem, but yeah, it is hard to troubleshoot in the middle of things, I guess.

Reverse cowgirl kind of scares me with the whole "could damage his cock" part. I dunno.

You're not any more likely to damage anything in reverse than you are facing forward. It's really not that different except that the change in angles might help. You won't know unless you try.

And like the other poster said you don't have to be sitting perfectly perpendicular to him or anything. Sometimes it works better if you lean forward a little or get right up against his chest or lean backwards, etc. Experiment.

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I'm kind of embarrassed to be asking this but even though the last thread went down in flames, there were a lot of goons giving good advice. Here goes.

My wife and I have discussed the possibility of having a threesome or swinging (not like an open relationship or all the time thing, just maybe a one-off here or there). We're both cool with the concept and all that entails. What we're kind of stuck on is how to find good partners/couples that won't murder us in a sex dungeon. We're pretty much put off on the idea of inviting any of our friends because there's too much potential for awkward and I refuse to go to Craigslist, the Walmart of the internet.

For those who have been involved in those things before, how did you go about finding suitable partners/couples? We're at that stage where we're like, "we want to, but what now?"

That's complicated. It took me and my boyfriend forever to find someone to play with. We found later on - but of course in our real life.
I wouldn't search in the internet as you will likely find something scary. You may have to be patient if you are absolutely sure that no one of your current friends will work. You want someone you trust, you want someone you know, you want someone who fits in that whole constellation and situation.

So in general you will have to search for new people directly, you will have to act discreet and careful as it's ~kinda~ intimate to think about it. If you don't know anyone who may fit in that intention it will be a tough search, as long as you don't want to pay someone.

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Far as drugs to stymie the loss of libido go, I think Wellbutrin is the only thing that's thought to have a chance.
Wellbutrin is one of the few anti-depressants to not have sexual side effects partly because it's an NRI which has effects somewhat similar to simply working out. This is part of why I don't get much of a positive effect from it (I don't get a lot of the emotional benefits of exercise historically).

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This is really stupid but I can't figure out how to do the cowgirl position.
...

The thing is, the way he acts, his previous partners have never had a problem with it. "Just put it in," he helpfully advised.

So yeah, any advice? I basically just can't get the angle right. It works best when he's not rock hard so his dick isn't as parallel to his stomach.
Like a lot of sexual stuff, you're going to need to experiment a bit to see what works. If you're facing him (standard) you can try hunching forward, leaning up against him while arching back (like uh, skydiving / parachuting), or try arching backward which should shift everything down there a fair bit. In some circumstances, it might be much easier to work in reverse cowgirl as a baseline rather than forward. What's optimal for physical pleasure may not be what either party actually prefers for comfort, mind you. Some people don't like reverse cowgirl because you're facing away from each other, some think it's hot, whatever.

This isn't exactly rocket science, it's basic 8th grade geometry (or 5th grade if you're in Europe or Asia). Experiment with him as the gauge for what works first, then try to work around that yourself. Tada, you're both happy.

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Pinball
Sep 15, 2006




I've finally started watching porn, but now I'm constantly distracted by all these weird tropes that keep popping up over and over, and I was wondering if there were explanations for them.

What's with the spitting? Everyone seems to be spitting on each other's genitals or in each other's mouths all the time, and it looks really disgusting. Obviously it's not for lubricant purposes, since spit isn't a good one, so what's the point?

Why, in a lot of videos, both gay and straight, do people leave their shoes and socks on but take off everything else? Are there just huge groups of people out there that think having sex in your shoes is awesome?

Why are there all these racist videos about hung black guys having sex with white girls? It'd be fine if it was merely interracial sex, but they all seem to have this really weird cast of 'look how dirty she is, she's loving a black guy.'

In the gay porn sphere, why the obsession with 'turning' straight guys gay?

It seems like female porn stars have this expectation of being bi and performing with women as well as men; why doesn't that apply to male porn stars as well? For example, why isn't James Deen expected to be in gay porn as well as straight? Seems unfair.

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Feb 26, 2007

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Why are there all these racist videos about hung black guys having sex with white girls? It'd be fine if it was merely interracial sex, but they all seem to have this really weird cast of 'look how dirty she is, she's loving a black guy.'

Affirmative action. Best not to ask questions.

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As far as why guys aren't expected to go both ways, it's pretty simple. Attractiveness has nothing to do with how guys are cast for straight porn. Most of them are ugly as gently caress, but get gigs because they have a decent-looking dick and can keep it up on command.

There's a crossover between attractive hetero porn stars and gay porn roles, enough that 'gay for pay' is a thing in the industry for both genders.

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1. Spit is a fine lube. It's a rough sex/degradation thing, been going on long enough that some people probably just think it's sexy.

2. Lots of dudes are into women wearing heels or sneakers or boots or whatever. When a straight guy leaves his on, it's probably just because nobody cares and it's awkward to remove.

3. It's racist as poo poo, people are racist as poo poo.

4. Probably partly taboo and partly irresistability thing ("so hot even straight guys want him"). Also could be internalized homophobia; google stuff like "str8" or "straight-acting," there's been a bunch written about it.

5. People think femme women having sex is sexy (and they're just waiting for a man); people think dudes having sex is gross and they're definitely gay.

If you don't like any of this stuff, mainstream porn like Bangbros or whatever isn't for you, but there are other options. It's a big internet.

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The only "normal" porn scenario (I assume hardcore gagging and bukkake don't count as Vanilla) that makes me cringe is the male doctor and female patient scenario. Not only have male doctors been charged for sexually assaulting women over the years. It just baffles me that a doctor would violate the Hippocratic Oath.

Yeah, I know I'm reading too much into a fantasy, but that kind of stuff borders on frightening for me.

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I can't remember where I read it, but I read someone somewhere on the internet saying that people on those sets generally leave their socks on because the sets are gross. One time the person also left their shoes on because there was broken glass on the floor. I have no idea how accurate this is these days, I read that years ago.

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The only "normal" porn scenario (I assume hardcore gagging and bukkake don't count as Vanilla) that makes me cringe is the male doctor and female patient scenario. Not only have male doctors been charged for sexually assaulting women over the years. It just baffles me that a doctor would violate the Hippocratic Oath.

Yeah, I know I'm reading too much into a fantasy, but that kind of stuff borders on frightening for me.

Many people find stuff that "borders of frightening" arousing. It's the same feeling that draws people to roller coasters, fear is exciting. Though that's not necessarily the main reason doctor patient scenarios are common, I bet more people are drawn to it by the power relationship inherent in the circumstance, and also just by their own familiarity with the situation.

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I can't remember where I read it, but I read someone somewhere on the internet saying that people on those sets generally leave their socks on because the sets are gross. One time the person also left their shoes on because there was broken glass on the floor. I have no idea how accurate this is these days, I read that years ago.

Maybe that was true a while ago, but all of the pro porn I've ever seen involve people loving in what look like spotless million-dollar mansions.

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Many people find stuff that "borders of frightening" arousing. It's the same feeling that draws people to roller coasters, fear is exciting. Though that's not necessarily the main reason doctor patient scenarios are common, I bet more people are drawn to it by the power relationship inherent in the circumstance, and also just by their own familiarity with the situation.

This is definitely what it is. That and the fact that it's a forbidden relationship. That's why you'll see lots of variations on the power theme (teachers/students, bosses/secretaries, etc.) Plus the medical-themed scenes are often a play on the idea of the nurse as a traditional icon of femininity. Those kinds of gender roles still have a deep resonance in our culture.

If I were to pick out one of the common porn plots that I dislike the most, it'd probably be the "fake audition" concept, which just reeks of misogyny and exploitation. The entire scenario just serves to break down the fourth wall and invite the viewer to be complicit in the fantasy of taking advantage of a woman.

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Pinball
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A dude mowing his lawn with a riding mower and dragging this woman in bondage behind the tractor and through the grass clippings.

Hah, that's fantastic. That blows the shoes (but not the socks) off of the most amazing thing I've seen, which was the 1970s singing and dancing Alice in Wonderland porn parody that has to be seen to be believed.

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In the gay porn sphere, why the obsession with 'turning' straight guys gay?

In general it's more like convincing or (if it's something less-vanilla) forcing someone to try to enjoy it instead of 'turning' him gay. Especially in the BDSM porn scene it's likely to see someone 'straight' forcing to do homosexual sexual activities as it's interesting for the viewer who are interested in someone who gets suppressed. To be honest, I didn't see something like that very often in softcore porn, except something like 'Come on, try it, you know you want it' where the character just accept that he always was homosexual.


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A dude mowing his lawn with a riding mower and dragging this woman in bondage behind the tractor and through the grass clippings.

That's like the weirdest thing I've ever heard. But where's the porn part about it? I mean, I see the bondage part and that grass is flying into her face and stuff, but what the gently caress.

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That's like the weirdest thing I've ever heard. But where's the porn part about it? I mean, I see the bondage part and that grass is flying into her face and stuff, but what the gently caress.

I saw a video which was just a lady in leather shittalking the viewer, no naked bits or anything.

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Hah, that's fantastic. That blows the shoes (but not the socks) off of the most amazing thing I've seen, which was the 1970s singing and dancing Alice in Wonderland porn parody that has to be seen to be believed.

There's musical porn? What the gently caress.

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There's musical porn? What the gently caress.

There is Scooby Doo parody porn.

Different strokes for different folks.

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*raises hand* I'd like to read more about this too. My partner and I are looking for a unicorn (ha) or another couple to play with without having to resort to CL or Fetlife if at all possible. Neither of us have friends we could approach about this sort of thing either, as they're either all "not into it" or happily monogamous. Supposedly there are some kink-type places in our area where we could find other couples to swing with, but I'm not so sure I'm into the whole "public play" thing. I have also read that there are kink/swingers conventions where groups will take over a hotel for X amount of time and poo poo gets crazy. This may or may not be true, but I've read about it from a few different sources.

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I do think the couple of people who've replied are completely right on that you do want someone you can really trust in a situation like that. However, like you most of our friends likely wouldn't be "into that" or it just wouldn't be a topic that we'd feel comfortable bringing up with most of them. I've heard from people who've found unicorns on OKCupid but I can only imagine that bisexual women on OKC constantly get harassed for poo poo like that (I'm a bisexual dude myself so our search wouldn't necessarily be limited to just women). I know I've also seen a couple people talk about swingers clubs on here before, if anyone had information on how they've found those or how they got involved with those that would be pretty cool too. It's not like you walk down the street and see a big neon "JOE'S XXX SWINGERS CLUB" or something like that. Or maybe you do, I don't know.

Since we're also talking about porn, I'm pretty sure there's live action smurf porn out there. I vaguely remember seeing it on one of those porn Youtubes years ago and it's infinitely more funny than sexy. Smearing yourself with body paint and then doing porn will only make it look like everyone's got some kind of skin disease by the end of it.

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Does anal sex damage the anus?
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Does anal sex damage the anus?
What's the anal etiquette? Like if I got a lady and she's willing to do anal should I give her a reach around?

It doesn't as long as you are careful and calm when trying it. OP mentioned a good method to prepare everything to avoid injuries. You need to get some training done first and you'll have to be patient - but it works pretty well and it's worth the try.

You should just ask her. Just be like "Want to try something new?" and watch how she reacts. I heard that esp women have sometimes problems or even fear to try anal sex. In that case you can try to convince her and ensure that nothing bad will happen if everyone is able to spend the time and able to trust their partner. If she is highly against it and will instantly react like "Oh my god never ask me again, I want to go now" etc. then accept it and try to avoid it. Maybe she will think and read about it and maybe you can try it later but if she's not able to give it a try, accept her opinion and move on.

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It doesn't as long as you are careful and calm when trying it. OP mentioned a good method to prepare everything to avoid injuries. You need to get some training done first and you'll have to be patient - but it works pretty well and it's worth the try.

What do you mean training, I'm not gonna ask my GF to chase sticks in the park? Is it like working up in size of things in the butt?

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What do you mean training, I'm not gonna ask my GF to chase sticks in the park? Is it like working up in size of things in the butt?

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- First, the receptive partner should empty their bowels and then clean up until s/he feels comfortable. Showering is fine. Some people use warm-water enemas, which is also okay. Do NOT use Fleet enemas, purchased enemas, or anything else with anything but water.

- Lots of lube should be used; thicker lubes are usually recommended. A good amount of time should be spent warming up the anus. This means working up slowly with one lubed finger, and slowly adding fingers until your partner is loosened up enough. Finally, insertion should be very slow. Take your time and don’t rush anything. The receiving party should be in control of the insertion as they are best equipped to know how their rear end in a top hat is handling it.

- Don’t put any pressure or heavy expectations on this -- it’s not necessarily a one-hour or one-day project. If it takes weeks to work up from fingers to toys to a penis, that’s totally fine.


Pretty much this. I can confirm that this will work and again - patience and caution.

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Hydrolith
Oct 30, 2009



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Is it like working up in size of things in the butt?
Yes. Start with just a finger. If it goes well, try it again for a few sessions, until more fingers looks like it'd be fun. Work your way up to penis slowly, over a period of several sessions. I once read it put as "the idea is that your wang ends up looking like a new fun butt toy to play with, rather than a big scary painful looking thing".

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Black Shadow
Mar 21, 2014

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I am actually trying regular cowgirl. I'm not sure why he says he doesn't like bending it that way, but every time I try to put it in a way that I think is sensible, he says it's uncomfortable.

I get a bit stressed out/don't want him to lose his boner and just prompt him to switch to doggy or something.

I guess that speaks to a communication problem, but yeah, it is hard to troubleshoot in the middle of things, I guess.

Reverse cowgirl kind of scares me with the whole "could damage his cock" part. I dunno.

My girlfriend and I had this issue when we first started having sex. Try to focus more on going up and down as opposed to forward and backwards. Don't bend over. Sit up with good posture and just bounce and see how he likes that.

Also, you wont damage his shaft.

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