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snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Hey welcome to the Australian Football League 2018 thread, the thread about Australian Rules Football, for 2018, the year of our saviour Jesse Hogan.

What’s the game about : a 360 degree, high scoring, full contact, bureaucratically officiated mess of a rolling brawl played on a stupidly big field. Watch this for an explainer by an over-excited voice over guy for more information (a code of football which has kicking?? What a world!) sex in her ass

The game has been around in Australia for over 150 years, but the AFL is a national competition that was made by bolting on new interstate teams to the existing Victorian Football League, which is why the Victorian teams claim premierships from a hundred years ago as a way to make themselves feel better whenever they’re poo poo for a decade. Interstate teams in the same situation just get to keep themselves warm with their massive inferiority complexes instead.

All you really need to know: 18 teams, 23 rounds of football (including 2 byes for each team), the top 8 teams get to play in the finals. The top 4 teams on the ladder get a double chance to stay in if they lose in the first week, and everyone else does elimination finals from the get go. The final 2 teams play in the Grand Final for the Premiership.

The best player of the year is awarded the Brownlow medal, which is voted by the umpires. The reigning Brownlow medallist is Richmond’s future cautionary tale of fame and excess, Dustin Martin.

The AFLW (the womens league) also kicked off its first full season last year, with Adelaide taking out the inaugural premiership. The game is rapidly developing to try and secure what sporting talent it can while competing with the other professional womens leagues popping up, and the league’s style of play has an entertaining 80’s-style crash and bash mentality which evaporated in the mens game decades ago. At the moment only 8 teams hold licenses, with 2 more teams to come next year I believe.
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THINGS TO CARE about :

Richmond managed to win the premiership. The perennial kings of mediocrity won the 2017 premiership. Will they back it up this year? Almost certainly not. Is their name in the records books for all of eternity as the 2017 Premiers? *checks records books* well... there they are. They sure did win that premiership.
The womens footy is almost back, kicking off on Feb 2nd. In its second year now, Adelaide will be looking to back up their maiden premiership, while musical chairs between the other team’s lists will see which competitors will be able to challenge. Don’t get too attached to your favourite players!
The mens 2018 season kicks off on March 22nd. Who will improve? Who will get worse? Who will be new to the finals? Who will be unable to back up their surprise premiership win by crashing to a bottom 4 finish?? It’s a mystery that will only be told in time.
The indigenous round jumpers are always cool.
The absurd amount of close games in the 2017 home and away season.

hentai sex games flash THINGS TO NOT CARE about :
The JLT Community season. The pre-season competition is a good opportunity for clubs to give their players a run in hot conditions in country towns for meaningless games so they can get all their ACL injuries out of the way nice and early. It kicks off on Feb 24.
Western Bulldogs drought breaking 2016 premiership. Get out of here doggies, there’s a new feel good (or feel something, at least) premiership story in town.
The Footy Show.
Football fan’s ideas on race relations.
That the 2017 finals series, apart from one cracking game, being heavily lopsided the way through.
Predominantly white Clash jumpers (Carlton and Fremantle excluded).

The teams, in order of 2017 ladder, and thus as good an indicator of importance as any heading into this season:


celebrity boobs and pussy ADELAIDE CROWS
First AFL season: 1991
Premierships: 2 - 1997, 1998
my first lesbian experience Make fun of them about :
Not even bothering to turn up to the grand final. A 48 point loss was pretty poor against a side that probably won’t be remembered as one of the better premiership teams in history, especially when Adelaide had thrashed Geelong by 10 goals the week before.
Their fans insistence of Victorian conspiracy theories at every chance.
That nobody wants to live in Adelaide, but only when playing for the Crows.


best pussy licking ever GEELONG CATS
First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club
Premierships: 9 - 1925, 1931, 1937, 1951, 1952, 1963, 2007, 2009, 2011
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Being a walking midfield with the depth of a kiddie pool.
Being blown out of the park in the first quarter of the prelim against Adelaide.
Losing to Collingwood, Gold Coast and Essendon in consecutive weeks.
Tom Hawkins surprise at finding out you can’t punch other players in the face.


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First VFL season: 1908
Premierships: 11 - 1920, 1921, 1932, 1934, 1943, 1967, 1969, 1973, 1974, 1980, 2017
hot lesbian sex xxx Make fun of them about :
Man, this topic used to be never ending. Most 9th place finishes than any other club in the last 30 years. Having lost 3 games in a row by a goal or less TWICE in the space of 5 years. Their history of horrific drafting blunders. Finally making the finals in 2012 after a string of 9th finishes only to lose after being in front at 3QTR time to a side that actually finished 9th that year but were granted a spot after Essendon were banned from competing in the post-season. I mean I could go on, but *checks record book* 2017 Premiers, Richmond Tigers. Huh.


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First AFL season: 2012
Premierships: none
free india porn movies Make fun of them about :
Being openly run by lizard-brained vampires, as opposed to other clubs which are only secretly run by lizard-brained vampires.
Their club colours and jumper have all the charisma of an off brand cereal package.
Drafting a bunch of fuckwits.
Toby Greene being inevitably charged with some heinous thing on or off the field at some point only for the club to stand by him and talk about what a good bloke he is.


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First AFL season: 1997
Premierships: 1 – 2004
streaming porn movies free Make fun of them about :
Fans who keep getting banned from games for hurling racist abuse at players.
Their president’s outspoken ‘everybody’s fault but mine’ philosophy.
If their ‘kid in a candy shop’ recruiting spree backfires horrendously, then that too.
The fact that a lot of them are actually proud to represent the bogans of Adelaide. Just imagine.
They still have Jimmy Toumpas on their list.


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First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club (as South Melbourne)
Premierships: 5 - 1909, 1918, 1933, 2005, 2012
sex toy demonstration videos Make fun of them about :
Their soft players. Can’t even take a punch to the jaw while looking away, what wusses.
Losing the first 6 games straight.
Finishing the year with a wet fart of a performance in the finals after looking like the form side of the competition in September.


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First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club
Premierships: 16 - 1897, 1901, 1911, 1912, 1923, 1924, 1942, 1946, 1949, 1950, 1962, 1965, 1984, 1985, 1993, 2000
tommy gunn free porn Make fun of them about :
Running a club sanctioned performance enhancing injection program in 2012.
Losing a game to Sydney in one of the most creative chokes ever seen.
Their fans insistence that the club is still a powerhouse despite the glaringly obvious evidence to the contrary.
Picking up Jake ‘cheats on his pregnant missus with a schoolgirl’ Stringer from the Doggies.


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First VFL season: 1987
Premierships: 3 - 1992, 1994, 2006
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The fact a not small amount of their premiership team from a decade ago enjoyed the nose candy a bit too much.
making GBS threads the bed last time they made the Grand Final in 2015.
Winning one of the all-time great elimination finals against Port Adelaide before getting blown off the park the next week against the Giants.
Their constant home ground umpiring advantage and their fans insistence it’s not true and the umpires are in fact screwing the Eagles even when they win the free kicks 24-10.


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First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club
Premierships: 10 - 1900, 1926, 1939, 1940, 1941, 1948, 1955, 1956, 1957, 1959, 1960, 1964
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Their womens team missing out on making the final by 2 goals.
Their mens team missing out on making the finals by 2 goals.
Being the worst team of the modern era, the same era which has seen 2 new expansion clubs created from scratch.
Once losing a game by 186 points, then following that up two seasons later with a 146 point losing margin.
Now trying to add ‘dirtiest team in the league’ to their repertoire (picking up Jordan Lewis was a success!).


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First VFL season: 1925
Premierships: 2 – 1954, 2016
lesbian scat sex stories Make fun of them about :
After winning the premiership from 7th on the ladder in 2016, their 2017 tactic of trying to win it from 10th backfired horribly.
Trying to fix their forward line problems with Travis Cloke.
Tom Liberatore’s raging premiership hangover.


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First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club
Premierships: 1 – 1966
ass girls sex video Make fun of them about :
Making a big old step backwards in 2017, especially compared to the sides around them in development.
Picking a captain who wouldn’t make it in most club’s best 22 – man up and give it to Jack Stevens, or at least give co-captaincy for Jack Stevens and Jack Steven’s mullet (RIP).
Tim Membrey’s Jimmy Buffet wallpaper tattoos.
Winning a wooden spoon (last place finish on the ladder) approximately once in every 4 years of their existence.


teen girls in bondage HAWTHORN HAWKS
First AFL season: 1925
Premierships: 13 - 1961, 1971, 1976, 1978, 1983, 1986, 1988, 1989, 1991, 2008, 2013, 2014, 2015
constance marie fully naked Make fun of them about :
Being the mustache twirling Bond villains of the league for the last decade.
Their horrendous club colours.
Paying through the nose to pick up Jaeger ‘The Albatross’ O’Meara from Gold Coast.
The Ty Vickery experiment didn’t last long with him retiring early, but we can still get some good jabs in if we hurry.


mariah carey pussy shot COLLINGWOOD MAGPIES
First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club
Premierships: 15 - 1902, 1903, 1910, 1917, 1919, 1927, 1928, 1929, 1930, 1935, 1936, 1953, 1958, 1990, 2010
sexy korean girl porn Make fun of them about :
‘Biggest club in Australia’ they say, similar to how melanoma is the biggest cancer in Australia.
Giving a $2 million 4 year deal to Chris Mayne, which will never not be funny.
The constant lack of basic skills they displayed for most of 2017 kept their clown car crash of a season interesting for neutrals.


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First AFL season: 1995
Premierships: none
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Picking up perennial gently caress up Harley Bennell from Gold Coast.
Harley Bennell’s tattoo.
Trusting Ross Lyon, a man known for his ‘blood out of a stone’ approach to list management, to rebuild their list.
Losing 3 games by over 100 points in 2017, including back to back 104 point losses.
Cam McCarthy’s haircut and mustache combo.


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First VFL season: 1925
Premierships: 4 - 1975, 1977, 1996, 1999
bai ling nude movies Make fun of them about :
Their coach’s legendary level of whinging.
Their general air of irrelevance, like that weird loner at the bus station who talks loudly about how much of a badass he is despite the fact he clearly still lives with his mum at the age of 40.
The fact their best player literally looks like Sideshow Bob.


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First VFL season: 1897 - foundation club
Premierships: 16 - 1906, 1907, 1908, 1914, 1915, 1938, 1945, 1947, 1968, 1970, 1972, 1979, 1981, 1982, 1987, 1995
little april free porn Make fun of them about :
Thinking the coach was the problem in 2012.
Being unable to kick a score over 100 points at any point in the 2017 season.
At least their ‘sometimes to get better you have to get worse’ philosophy is working. They are certainly getting worse.


leslie nielson naked gun GOLD COAST SUNS
First AFL season: 2011
Premierships: none
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Bizarrely enough, being the first group of fans who decided to start booing Adam Goodes in 2015.
Having the most aggressively bland club logo and colour scheme. Beige would have more character than what they put together.
Their general air of irrelevance.
Coughing up pick 2 to trade a fringe 50-game player just because he won’t want to move somewhere else.


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First AFL season: 1997 (merger of Fitzroy Lions and Brisbane Bears)
Premierships: 3 - 2001, 2002, 2003 (8 as Fitzroy - 1898, 1899, 1904, 1905, 1913, 1916, 1922, 1944)
rapper eve porn video Make fun of them about :
That nobody wants to live in Queensland, although that’s not so much weird as its basic common sense.
The very worst thing of all: being harmless. Even Luke Hodge feels sorry for them and its been scientifically proven he has no soul.

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snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



See drunkill's post below for more info on AFLW

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FootyTipping hasn't rolled over yet for some reason but if you were in it last year you should be automatically entered in it this year.

If you're new or got purged the link is thus:
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pw: goons

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realbez
Mar 23, 2005



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Lol if you think Jaeger isn’t gonna dominate

(Thanks for the new op)

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Nov 5, 2004

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Nine just said Bomber Thompson’s been arrested then immediately deleted the tweet

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The Age has him being arrested and released without charge pending further inquiries.

Jaeger is Mark Coughlan Mark 2

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Jul 11, 2015

The most prestigious title in sports entertainment

Snaeksin I’m blaming you when it turns out Hogan is a rapist

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snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



Fox footy is saying Thompson was arrested in regards to an investigation into drug trafficking

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Brown Paper Bag
Nov 3, 2012



The ABC says a 54 year old man was arrested.

Bomber Thompson is 54 years old.

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The Deadly Hume
May 26, 2004

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Noice.

Also remind me to redo the banner of any club that decides to change its logo when no-one's looking.

EDIT:
Looks like Collingwood and West Coast to do so far... I'll have a poke at those at some point.

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drunkill
Sep 25, 2007


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Should probably add AFLX under the "things to not care about" section.

Also, here is an effortpost on AFLW I stole from reddit/bigfooty user not-drowning-waving/The Wookie

The_Wookie, post: 53891207, member: 102372 posted:

The 2018 AFL Womens season is less than 30 days away, with Carlton v Collingwood on Friday night, February 2 at Ikon Park. Heres what you need to know about the 2018 season.


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There have been no changes to the number of teams for the 2018 season, voyeur russian nude beach

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Like last season, there will not be a finals series, only a Grand Final.
  • No double headers with JLT series matches in 2018.
  • Melbourne v Collingwood will be played at Traeger park. This is partly to support their ongoing programs in the NT area.
  • No games at Victoria Park for the Pies, however they will play a match at Moe and 2 at Olympic Park.
  • All Adelaide based Adelaide games will be at Norwood Oval, with Thebarton Oval being dropped from the program,
  • Like last year, the Giants will play one game in Canberra. while Adelaide will play one game in Darwin.


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All matches remain free to enter, except for Fremantle v Collingwood at Perth Stadium, where a $2.00 charge will be incurred.

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  • 1 match per week on a Satuday night, plus the season opening game will be shown on 7 or 7mate.
  • Local games in SA and WA will likely be shown on FTA as per last season, this does not extend to Qld or NSW except where they feature on Saturday night.
  • All matches will be shown live on Foxtel.
  • All matches will be shown live and free on the AFL website and associated app.
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  • The AFL has decided to modify the out of bounds rule, now a player will give away a free kick if they kick or handball the ball over the boundary line without it being touched by an opposition player.
  • A reduction of interchange players from six to five, meaning teams will now have 21 players in total (16 on the field plus five interchange)
  • The implementation of time-on for the last two minutes of each quarter. (as happened in the Grand Final)
free british lesbian porn Womens Pay
  • Total player payments will increase by $500,000 next year under a revised tiered payment system that sees the minimum wage of a senior listed player rise from $8,500 to $10,500. However, it should be calorie burning sex positions
  • Tier 1 players have received an 17.6 per cent bump, from $17,000 to $20,000, tier 2 rises from $12,000 to $14,500 (up 20 per cent) while the base wage is now $10,500, up from $8500 (up 23 per cent).
  • The base wage on the current deal was due to increase from $8500 to $9276, tier 2 $12,000 to $12,846 and from $17,000 to $17,946 for tier one players.
  • The players will now commit 13-15 hours per week during pre-season and 10 hours in season. Match day hours are on top of the 10-hour week.
  • Clubs also have a marquee budget they can allocate to their most marketable players, ranging from $5000 to $10,000 per player, with a cap of $40,000 per team.
  • Players have signed 24-week contracts, which includes two weeks of annual leave.
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  • The AFL has determined that the AFLW All-Australian committee will give each player at a Victorian club a points rating between 10 and 50, based on performance, but also taking into account injury, age and other relevant factors.
  • Existing clubs will give up between two and four players to a total worth of 100 points. Josh Vanderloo, told Fairfax Media, “Notionally your top rated players are worth 50 points, your low-rated players are worth 10 points.”
  • The expansion clubs will subsequently be allowed to sign any non-AFLW players over 18, before the league determines exact concessions for the 2018 draft.

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The Deadly Hume
May 26, 2004

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Pies logo is shithouse. Eagles' is a bit derpy but we could get used to it.


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snaeksikn
Feb 28, 2010



how come the crows won't have to cough up players to the other aflw teams? south australian bias!!

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Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

Adelaide Crows are reigning premiers in the competition that matters.

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Sep 25, 2007


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how come the crows won't have to cough up players to the other aflw teams? south australian bias!!

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Because the two new teams are in Victoria, given the draft pool is state based and not a national draft, Victorian teams get screwed and have to give up players. That being said, any players delisted by the interstate clubs (if they do a forced delisting of ~7 players again) could choose to go into the Victorian draft in a chance to get re-listed.

The AFL might make one or two players head to Victoria from other states to make it a bit more fair, I believe the AFL helped pay relocation costs for Bella Ayre and Net Exon when they were traded to Brisbane for Tayla Harris, but I'm not 100% sure of that either.

Hopefully with the re-negotiation of the payment contracts for the 2019 season means a big pay rise for players which would allow a national draft if players can afford to move interstate for 4 months.

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Mark Thompson released without charge after attending the police at an appointed time but a 28 year old who was living with him was arrested on drug trafficking charges (news.com.au).

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Adelaide moving all their home games to The Parade is a good idea, it's an actual stadium, whereas Thebarton Oval is very much an amateur football ground in look and facilities. Hopefully we go about creating the same home ground advantage.

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If you saw Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, if you saw that he stood, blood running down his chest, his knees buckling, and the greater his effort the heavier the world bore down upon his shoulders - What would you tell him?

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Pies logo is shithouse. Eagles' is a bit derpy but we could get used to it.



The Pies logo was literally stolen from a big footy thread from 2015

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If you saw Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, if you saw that he stood, blood running down his chest, his knees buckling, and the greater his effort the heavier the world bore down upon his shoulders - What would you tell him?

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Mark Thompson released without charge after attending the police at an appointed time but a 28 year old who was living with him was arrested on drug trafficking charges (news.com.au).

Sounds like he was on a watch list for a while due to some of his more 'colourful' associates. That association extended to letting a drug supplier/importer use his house and when the cops noticed a highly than usual level of traffic they staked it out for a few weeks.

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Jul 24, 2007





Good loving god you give it to two separate players for having lovely tattoos and free gf porn pics? Shameful.

[Edit] I do now finally appreciate the Falconry tag though

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May 26, 2004

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Yeah the Falconry tag was the traditional one for AFL threads so it's good to see it back. (Although the I WANT TO BELIEVE one was appropriate for the Doggies)

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Oct 5, 2009

If you saw Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, if you saw that he stood, blood running down his chest, his knees buckling, and the greater his effort the heavier the world bore down upon his shoulders - What would you tell him?

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Good loving god you give it to two separate players for having lovely tattoos and patrick wilson watchmen nude? Shameful.

[Edit] I do now finally appreciate the Falconry tag though

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Oct 15, 2009


Hooray footy, up the Suns, choke and die Jaeger.

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One thing I'm really looking forward to in the womens comp is the improved skill level. The regular comp last year had some pretty piss poor skills because of all the pro athletes that weren't really footballers. Ugly up and under kicks that went 25 meters. But the all star game later in the year was an absolute pearler, and it really showed the level the comp can rise to once it's predominantly filled with actual footballers and not fly by night athletes.

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Thread title owns. I still can't get over Richmond winning the flag last year. It sucks.

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MysticalMachineGun
Apr 5, 2005




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Adelaide Crows are reigning premiers in the competition that matters.

You better believe it.

Rather than a ladder predictor, let's predict how many players leave the Crows men's team this season. I'm gonna go with 4.

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Jul 20, 2004

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I feel like it’s healthier to be like a flat earther and completely deny all evidence that Richmond won the flag

This I can get behind

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May 26, 2004

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One thing I'm really looking forward to in the womens comp is the improved skill level. The regular comp last year had some pretty piss poor skills because of all the pro athletes that weren't really footballers. Ugly up and under kicks that went 25 meters. But the all star game later in the year was an absolute pearler, and it really showed the level the comp can rise to once it's predominantly filled with actual footballers and not fly by night athletes.
It was sort of weird because the first few weeks it was like that, but then the last couple of rounds something clicked and we started getting some decent scoring games.

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Sep 25, 2007


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Round 1 was the first time the women played with the size 4 ball (well and training i guess) but they adopted it in the VFLW season last year as well.

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One thing I'm really looking forward to in the womens comp is the improved skill level. The regular comp last year had some pretty piss poor skills because of all the pro athletes that weren't really footballers. Ugly up and under kicks that went 25 meters. But the all star game later in the year was an absolute pearler, and it really showed the level the comp can rise to once it's predominantly filled with actual footballers and not fly by night athletes.

Don't know if I'd say it was a pearler. It was just one side absolutely outclassing the other. Not hard for your skills to look good when you absolutely dominate your opponent.

The first couple of weeks of AFLW were pretty ropey in terms of skills but I thought the game turned into a pretty good spectacle after that. Obviously not the same standard as AFL but fun to watch nonetheless. The GF was pretty entertaining too! (unlike the AFL GF )

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When does the footy-tipping start? Will there be a goon group for both AFL and AFLW? Howsabout Supercoach?

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