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Pugtastic
Jul 17, 2015


Tell me about prison life

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Jul 30, 2008




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Tell me about prison life

When does ur sentence begin OP

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PT6A
Jan 5, 2006



It's not so bad, you can make sangria in the terlet. 'Course, it's shank or be shanked.

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DeadlyMuffin
Jul 3, 2007



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It's not so bad, you can make sangria in the terlet. 'Course, it's shank or be shanked.

Of course :-(

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Apr 22, 2017

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I once vacationed in a county jail and they really did make alcohol in the toilet. Sort of. The toilet is a good place to hide things so they'd wrap up whatever concoction they had brewing and put it in the toilet to keep it out of sight.

I didn't know this until after I was sipping on some good hooch and saw the guy put the container back in his toilet. Don't drink alcohol people make with bags of orange juice. It's probably been chilling in the toilet!

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Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.


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Argann
Jan 17, 2016


As seen on TV Orange is the new Black.

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I’ve watched a LOT of women’s prison porn. I assume it’s like that.

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Mar 17, 2009



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Was an excellent thread, but the literal last post he ever made on SA worries the gently caress out of me if he's ok

The Valuum posted:

I felt like poo poo this morning until I went into the bathroom at my workplace and injected 1mg of suboxone (like $2 worth of drugs), then I felt fairly good for an hour or so, then just normal. 

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IRQ
Sep 9, 2001

SUCK A DICK, DUMBSHITS!



On the first day, find the biggest, meanest looking guy, and suck his dick.

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Ulio
Feb 17, 2011



Depends if you go to a private prison you might not end up with any life scarring moments.

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Dr.Caligari
May 5, 2005

"Here's a big, beautiful avatar for someone"


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Depends if you go to a private prison you might not end up with any life scarring moments.



Have we reached the stage of capitalism where rich people can pay to go to more luxurious prisons?

Or do you mean there is less chance for violence when you’re doing forced manual labor all day long

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a_good_username
Mar 13, 2018


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Have we reached the stage of capitalism where rich people can pay to go to more luxurious prisons?

Or do you mean there is less chance for violence when you’re doing forced manual labor all day long

Private prisons are usually worse if anything free mom sex clips

I think they are thinking of minimum security prisons.

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IRQ
Sep 9, 2001

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Have we reached the stage of capitalism where rich people can pay to go to more luxurious prisons?


Basically, yeah.

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PT6A
Jan 5, 2006



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The bullshit is that you can buy your way out of horrid conditions, but I do not like the way that article focuses on the pay-to-stay jails as being "too nice." No, that's the jail tara reid sex scenes everyone should get -- the punitive aspect should be the loss of freedom, not experiencing abuse, assault or anything else like that.

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IRQ
Sep 9, 2001

SUCK A DICK, DUMBSHITS!



That's a whole other argument and suffice to say I agree with your points.

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Eric the Mauve
May 8, 2012

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The trick is to kick someone's rear end on the first day, or become someone's bitch. Then everything will be all right.

Hope that helps OP.

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Blackchamber
Jan 25, 2005

Don't call me, I'll call you.


Actually I think the first day you are supposed to find the biggest bitch there and then suck his dick.

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Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005



Nap Ghost

All you need to know about prison is when it's your turn to enter the oil dome, you just go in and take your lumps.

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Aug 3, 2007

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Mar 16, 2009

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Mar 27, 2011

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There's a number of businesses that specialize in trying to help prisoners stay in contact with the rest of the world, like printing out emails and text messages and sending them as mail.

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OP, you might want to check this out:

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Christoph
Mar 3, 2005

I have no one to envy. I envy you having me to envy.

I just finished a five-year sentence in the federal system (for arson). What would you like to know?

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Smackdillion
Feb 17, 2001

Someone paid to give you this shitty icon and give Lowtax his cyborg spine parts


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I just finished a five-year sentence in the federal system (for arson). What would you like to know?

What you burnin down brah

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Sep 9, 2001

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I just finished a five-year sentence in the federal system (for arson). What would you like to know?

Do you take requests?

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Christoph
Mar 3, 2005

I have no one to envy. I envy you having me to envy.

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What you burnin down brah

It was all just a big misunderstanding.

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This right here is enough for a conspiracy charge

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Justin Godscock
Oct 12, 2004

Listen here, funnyman!

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What everyone should do their first day is stand at the door of your cell and openly call on everyone to fight. Especially the dude that looks like he's been there since Jimmy Carter. You will get respect for standing your ground and establishing dominance of your unit.

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Christoph
Mar 3, 2005

I have no one to envy. I envy you having me to envy.

There was a guy in FCI Texarkana who used to crap in peanut butter jars and store them under his bunk. No one would go near him. So that's one route you could take.

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Prison in Iowa is great, it's alot of lifting weights, reading, and playing cards/basketball/tennis.

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Hot Dog Day #82
Jul 5, 2003



Soiled Meat

I remember reading a thread here where a guy said he spent a lot of time plating dungeons and dragons, soooo at least there's that

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Christoph
Mar 3, 2005

I have no one to envy. I envy you having me to envy.

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I remember reading a thread here where a guy said he spent a lot of time plating dungeons and dragons, soooo at least there's that

In the feds in Texas it was all Pathfinder. When I transferred to Colorado it was Magic: The Gathering. For a while there on the weekends I slept in, ate brunch, drank Mountain Dew, and played Pathfinder with my friends. Wasn't too bad.

OP, the most important thing for you to do is to make friends or find a group of semi-tolerable people to roll with, at least until you understand the terrain. If you're associated with a group and you respect whatever cultural/"political" boundaries there are, you'll most likely be fine. Just make sure you don't keep to yourself all the time. Also: don't buy a ton of poo poo from the commissary all at once, keep your area organized (so you will know right away if someone is planting contraband in your stuff and then snitching on you), and don't be that guy who's really chummy with guards.

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PT6A
Jan 5, 2006



How do prisoners afford M:tG cards?

Seems like the sort of thing that would end up causing a lot of problems.

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GORILLA BASTARD
Jun 20, 2005
SEXUAL DYNAMO

Back in the 90's I went through the NYS corrections academy & did my OJT at Sing-Sing. While bouncing from the SHU->chow hall->visiting room, I did a funeral escort & had a real come-to-Jesus moment that changed everything for me.

So on the day I was supposed to start walking the tiers, I showed up in my street clothes & my uniforms/equipment in a box. They tried for 2+hours to convince me otherwise, but I resigned & went right back to my old job.

My man seriously, Fuuuuck prison.

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Christoph
Mar 3, 2005

I have no one to envy. I envy you having me to envy.

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How do prisoners afford M:tG cards?

Seems like the sort of thing that would end up causing a lot of problems.

They didn't cause any problems, though the mailroom kept insisting inmates would use them as currency (no one did). They would put staples through people's cards and call the inmates down to the mailroom and harass them.

There's a fly-by-night one-man company out of Albany, NY that prints out the cards as "samples" and mails them in at 99 cents for 9 cards. He's hooked up to the prison email (CorrLinks), so an inmate can email him the list of cards they want. When it arrives in the mail inmates then take glue sticks bought from a hobby catalogue and paste them onto standard playing cards. The people I knew who played would sperg out and make like 20 decks, then they would hide them in weird places within the prison so they wouldn't get thrown away by bitchy guards during shakedowns.

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My man seriously, Fuuuuck prison.

It's the worst. At least you weren't assigned to shackle some lady while she gave birth.

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PT6A
Jan 5, 2006



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They didn't cause any problems, though the mailroom kept insisting inmates would use them as currency (no one did). They would put staples through people's cards and call the inmates down to the mailroom and harass them.

There's a fly-by-night one-man company out of Albany, NY that prints out the cards as "samples" and mails them in at 99 cents for 9 cards. He's hooked up to the prison email (CorrLinks), so an inmate can email him the list of cards they want. When it arrives in the mail inmates then take glue sticks bought from a hobby catalogue and paste them onto standard playing cards. The people I knew who played would sperg out and make like 20 decks, then they would hide them in weird places within the prison so they wouldn't get thrown away by bitchy guards during shakedowns.

That actually sounds better than the real thing, since you aren't spending a fortune trying to find all the cards you need to build the deck you want.

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Herstory Begins Now
Aug 5, 2003



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In the feds in Texas it was all Pathfinder. When I transferred to Colorado it was Magic: The Gathering. For a while there on the weekends I slept in, ate brunch, drank Mountain Dew, and played Pathfinder with my friends. Wasn't too bad.

OP, the most important thing for you to do is to make friends or find a group of semi-tolerable people to roll with, at least until you understand the terrain. If you're associated with a group and you respect whatever cultural/"political" boundaries there are, you'll most likely be fine. Just make sure you don't keep to yourself all the time. Also: don't buy a ton of poo poo from the commissary all at once, keep your area organized (so you will know right away if someone is planting contraband in your stuff and then snitching on you), and don't be that guy who's really chummy with guards.

If you go into someone's place and it is conspicuously immaculate relative to the rest of their life, it's p much guaranteed they either were in prison or the military for a long time.

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GORILLA BASTARD
Jun 20, 2005
SEXUAL DYNAMO

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They didn't cause any problems, though the mailroom kept insisting inmates would use them as currency (no one did). They would put staples through people's cards and call the inmates down to the mailroom and harass them.

There's a fly-by-night one-man company out of Albany, NY that prints out the cards as "samples" and mails them in at 99 cents for 9 cards. He's hooked up to the prison email (CorrLinks), so an inmate can email him the list of cards they want. When it arrives in the mail inmates then take glue sticks bought from a hobby catalogue and paste them onto standard playing cards. The people I knew who played would sperg out and make like 20 decks, then they would hide them in weird places within the prison so they wouldn't get thrown away by bitchy guards during shakedowns.


It's the worst. At least you weren't assigned to shackle some lady while she gave birth.

There is no amount of money in the world that could have got me to do 25 years on the 8 hr installment plan. There is no rehab other than coercing inmates into getting their GED.

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Foxfire_
Nov 8, 2010


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That actually sounds better than the real thing, since you aren't spending a fortune trying to find all the cards you need to build the deck you want.

Prison wages are about $0.25/hr, so that's half a day of work (would be $30 outside prison at min wage)

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Christoph
Mar 3, 2005

I have no one to envy. I envy you having me to envy.

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If you go into someone's place and it is conspicuously immaculate relative to the rest of their life, it's p much guaranteed they either were in prison or the military for a long time.

Or if they greet you by saying "alright" or "alright-alright".

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